Safe in the Arms of Love
by KSUnsungHero
Summary: As her breathing evened out, he allowed himself to cry. For them. A family filled with so much love that a moment away from each other is a second too long.
1. Chapter 1

"Damnit, Zachary!" Elliot held his hand out to brace on the wall for balance as he rubbed his foot.

"Welcome to my world, honey. Did that with Zane at least twice a day." Olivia bent down to pick up the offending object. "Do you need anything while I'm out?"

"Not that I can think of. Hurry back?" He wrapped his arms around her and peered over her shoulder at their pajama-clad son.

"I will. I already called it in. Can you get Zach dressed? I got some of Zane's old clothes out and washed them. Zack's already growing out of his pants." She gave Elliot a peck on the lips and turned around. "Come pick up your trains, buddy. Daddy stepped on 'em again."

"Now, Zackary." Elliot snapped his fingers and watched the four year-old dart down the hall and come to a halt.

"Mom's going to the store, okay? Pick out a shirt to wear and your dad will help you with your pants." Olivia ran her hands through his unruly hair. He'd gone to sleep with it still partially wet, and it refused to lay flat.

"Okay, mom. Wuv you." Zackary held onto her hair as she lowered herself down to his level. He leaned his head to touch hers and smiled.

"Love you, too. Be good for your dad and leave your brother alone." She swatted him lightly on the bottom and watched him race back down the hall, trains in hand. She marveled at how similar he was to his brother. All the train cars were lined up by size and color.

"Zane's drawing you a picture for your desk. Said he wants it to be a surprise, so don't go in there yet." Elliot walked his wife to the door and held her coat out so she could put it on.

"Thanks for the warning. Love you." Olivia grabbed her keys and purse to leave.

"Love you, too, baby." Elliot smiled at how it rolled off his tongue. He'd always seen himself to be rather manly. He closed the door behind her and did the locks. Just like always, he parted the shades and watched her walk down the street until she was no longer in sight.

Olivia glanced over her list on more time. She had the distinct feeling she was missing something. The shrill sound of her phone broke her from her thoughts. She held her breath as she opened her phone. Not work. Thank. God.

"Hey, honey. Sorry to bother you, but can you stop by and get some laces? I can't find my other pair of shoes." He hated that he always called her up after she left to run an errand.

"I just picked them up. I knew you'd need them bef…" The loud popping startled her, making her drop her phone. She could hear Elliot calling her name from where the phone came to rest on the pavement.

"Liv? Olivia, damnit!" Elliot walked down the hall and into his bedroom so the kids wouldn't get worried.

"I'm here. I…I think I just heard gunfire. I have to go." Olivia abruptly closed her phone. She knew Elliot would be pissed at her for hanging up on him; not to mention he was probably pacing like a madman. She quickly called the authorities and hung up. Her heart raced and she fumbled with her phone before finally getting it back into her purse. Just as she looked up, she saw the hooded figure walk out the door of the pharmacy.

With wide eyes, she stared at the man. His eyes darted around and he brought his hand behind his back to reveal the gun he'd just used to get the money from the cash register. He heard the sirens approaching and came at her, tackling her to the ground.

Olivia's head hit the concrete as the man's weight brought her crashing to the ground. The air was sucked out of her lungs, and she knew it was over. The images of her sons and husband ran through her head. She wondered how her obituary would read. Tears sprang to her eyes at the thought of leaving so soon after finding happiness not so long ago.

Her heart pounded as the man brought the gun up to her face. The metal was still warm and she jerked her head to the side in a vain attempt to prevent her face from being burned. She let out a whimper and braced herself for what was to come. She closed her eyes, resigning herself to her fate. The man's sweat rained down on her, until he was pulled off and thrown aside. She could hear a scuffle, followed by a distressed voice calling out to her.

"Oh, God. Liv? Please be okay, baby." Elliot jumped over the unconscious man and stuck the gun in the back of his pants. "Open your eyes, Liv."

Olivia felt herself being pulled up and into his arms. She clung to him as he frantically checked her over for injuries. She shook in his embrace until the emotions were too great. The realization of what had just transpired caught up with her, and the floodgates opened.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" Elliot studied her eyes as he patted down her arms and stomach. He brought her to his chest in a fierce hug and pulled away to resume his search for any signs that she'd been hurt. Satisfied that she hadn't been shot or stabbed, he pulled her head to his shoulder and let her cry out her fears.

"I…you…where are the boys? Don't let them see me, Elliot." Olivia wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her jacket and hid behind Elliot's form. She'd tried so hard to shelter them from the reality they faced outside their home.

"They're at the neighbor's. I told them you forgot something and that I had to run and give to you. What were you thinking?" Elliot's fear soon turned to anger as he thought of her risking her life without regard to her family.

"Wh…I was thinking of you, you son of a bitch. Why do you think they're here?" She pointed to the units that had arrived from the precinct around the corner.

"I'm sorry. I know. I'm sorry." Elliot kissed her forehead and kept a firm grip on her as he helped her stand.

"Zane needs his meds. I have to get his…where's my purse?" Olivia winced as her head began to pound from the impact with the pavement.

"We'll get his medicine. There's your purse. Did you hurt yourself?" Elliot gestured for the hand bag one of the officers on scene was holding and handed it to his distraught wife. He kicked himself for assuming she'd risk her own safety.

"I just need some Tylenol. I hit the back of my head when I fell." Olivia's hand was intercepted as Elliot reached up to prod the area. She winced, biting her lip.

"Sorry. You need to get checked out, Liv." Elliot took in her disheveled appearance. She was slightly incoherent, but given what she'd just gone through, he'd expect nothing less. Her eyes were bloodshot from crying, and she walked slowly as he led her to the group of officers waiting nearby.

"It's just a bad headache. Promise. Let's get this over with so we can go home." She walked the officers through her statement and gave as much detail as she remembered. She was relieved to hear that none of the patrons had been injured.

"Ma'am, I can't let you go into the crime scene, but I can have someone retrieve your prescription for you." The officer wasn't sure what it was for, but he'd overheard the couple talking and wanted to ensure they got their son's medicine.

"I…okay. Um…I don't have my checkbook with me. I'll have to…" Her voice trailed off when the officer held his hand up. He handed back Olivia's wallet and motioned for a beat cop standing next to a nearby cruiser.

"You're one of us. Don't worry about it. Scotty, go get Detective Benson's prescription. Do what you have to do to get it. I'll sign off on it. Get her somethin' to drink, too." The older man patted Elliot on the back and grinned.

"Look, you don't need to do that, but thank you. If you're ever near the one-six, look us up." Elliot shook the man's hand.

"I thought I recognized you. The work you two do is…well it hits home. You folks take care. Ma'am." The officer reached into the passenger side of his patrol car and pulled out a bottle. "Thought you might need these."

"That all you got?" Olivia grinned and took the offered bottle as the younger officer returned with a brown bag. She thanked him and let Elliot lead her down the path back to their home.

"You scared the hell out of me. Are you sure you're okay?" Elliot twisted the cap off the water and watched her down the tablets.

"Yeah. I just need to lie down. It happened so fast. I called dispatch and I didn't have time to go around to the side of the building. Please tell me you don't really think I would have gone after that guy." Olivia wiped the excess water off her mouth with the back of her hand.

"I know, Liv. You know how I get. I'm sorry I wasn't there sooner. I think Zane knew something was up. He wanted to come with me." The image of her being pinned to the ground by a man twice her size still haunted him. He could just barely make out the reddish mark on her jaw where the barrel of the gun had burned her skin. She was walking a little slower than usual, but she was okay.

"I'll talk to him. Let him know everything's fine. Did Zackary suspect anything?" Olivia dug into her purse and pulled out Elliot's shoelaces.

"He was too busy playing with the new puppy next door. Thank you for getting these." Elliot cleared his throat and blinked away the moisture from his eyes. If Olivia hadn't made the stop to the shoe store beforehand, things could have turned out differently.

"I felt bad. You could have been nagging me to get you some more. You kept tying the others back together, instead." She slipped her arm hand in his and leaned her head on his shoulder. "I need a nap."

"Adrenaline is wearing off. You're crashing. I'll get the boys so you can rest. Zane will be fine. I'll tell him you have a headache." He kissed her on the check and unlocked the door.

"Don't forget he has to take it at ten-thirty. I left the dispenser on the counter. One in each day. Thank you, honey." Olivia slowly walked into the house and toed off her shoes before slipping off her coat. With shaky hands, she picked up the frame on the table. Two little boys were hanging off the arms of her husband; all three stared back with big smiles. She let out a sob at how close she'd come to never being able to witness other moments like that.

She navigated through the hallway and into the bedroom. A sock had found its way onto the bed. She smiled and tossed it into the hamper by the door. She hissed when her head hit the pillow and rolled over to her side to face away from the door. Moments later, she heard the hushed voices from the kitchen. She sighed, curling herself up into a ball. She hadn't slept like that in years. Not since she'd changed departments. She no longer felt as if the world was weighing her down. She'd tuck her arms and legs into her body, as if warding off the violence inflicted upon innocent citizens of New York.

"Liv." Elliot crept into the room and closed the door. He winced when the hinges began to squeak. It never failed.

"I'm awake." Olivia raised her head and turned to her other side. "Lay with me?"

"I got Zack some fruit snacks. He's watching a movie. Zane asked about you. He's worried, but I told him you were fine. Said you were looking forward to seeing his picture." Elliot settled himself on the bed gently and brought a hand up to her face. He gently kissed the burn on her jaw. He watched her struggle to control her emotions. "Let it out, baby."

Olivia buried her face into his chest. Her hands found the material of his hooded sweatshirt, and she pulled him even closer as she began to sob. She could feel his finger-light strokes as they made sweeping passes over her back. She breathed in his scent and closed her eyes.

"I love you so much." Elliot whispered into her ear softly, hoping the words would find their way into her heart so that she could find peace. Into her mind so she could sleep. He cursed the man that made her so uneasy. The bastard that took away her right to feel safe and protected. He carefully pried her hands from his shirt and climbed over her. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, yet gently. As her breathing evened out, he allowed himself to cry. For the woman he loved that he'd almost lost. For the mother whose sons were spared the speech that would change their lives forever. For them. A family filled with so much love that a moment away from each other is a second too long.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: This story now has a title and since I was able to get my net working, you get twice as much content. Please review and let me know what you think. Page breaks are inserted for easier reading, as it skips a bit. Just so you are forewarned.

The concerned face staring down at her slowly came into focus. She winced at the onslaught of the fluorescent lighting above

"Hey." Elliot ran his fingertips over her forehead and watched her heavy lids close once again. "You gonna' wake up a little bit?"

"Hmm..." She cleared her throat. "I feel weird."

"They have you on some pretty heavy painkillers. Do you feel like some water?" He glanced over at his younger son. The little was boy had taken up residence in the chair across the room. His hand was wrapped around the shiny wrapper of the fruit snacks he'd insisted on bringing.

"Wait, what?" Olivia snapped her head around. He looked haggard and tired, as if he'd been through the wringer.

"You're in the hospital. You wouldn't wake up. You banged your head harder than you thought." Elliot poured a glass of water and helped her sit up. "Drink it slowly."

"Where's Zane? Is he okay?" She covered her eyes with her arm and sighed.

"He's fine. Fin's watching him and Zack didn't want to leave your side." He sat on the edge of the bed, wanting to be as close as possible.

"How long do I have stay here?" She rolled onto her side and placed her head in his lap.

"Just for a bit, I think. Use the pillow, Liv. That's not good for your head." He fluffed the pillow and placed it on his lap. "Rest your eyes. Just relax."

"I'm sorry." She felt for his hand and laced her fingers through his. "Lay with me?"

"You don't have anything to be sorry for. Scoot over." He patted her thigh lightly and waited for her to move before wrapping his arms around her from behind.

"The nurse woke you earlier but you were pretty out of it. You threatened to shoot her if she didn't give you some, and I quote 'good stuff.'" He chuckled as she groaned.

"Great. Is she pressing charges?" Olivia closed her eyes, willing the headache to stay away.

"No. She thought it was part of the head injury. Said one of the side effects is that patients can be combative. Didn't tell her what you do for a living." Elliot ran his hand up and down her arm. Goosebumps covered her otherwise smooth skin.

"What's wrong with me?" She felt him tuck away the errant strands of hair that had fallen into her face when she'd turned over. "Do I have a concussion?"

"Yeah. They want to keep you for observation to make sure there's nothing else going on. I'll turn the light down so you can rest. Cragen's going to come and pick up Zack in a while so he can sleep in his own bed." He kissed her on the temple.

"You, too. You need to get some sleep." She brought his hand to her face and kissed his fingertips. They'd gotten rough over the years but she loved them all the same. It showed how hard he worked every day to bring justice to the victims they saw.

"I'll be fine." He whispered softly as her breathing evened out, knowing she couldn't stay awake any longer. "Promise you'll wake up this time."

"M'kay. Love you." She squeezed his hand and finally succumbed to sleep.

"Love you, too, baby." Elliot dimmed the overhead light and tried to stay as still as possible.

The following morning, Olivia heard hushed voices that immediately stopped when they realized she was awake.

"I'm sorry, Olivia. You look better than you did the last time I saw you. How are you? " Cragen remained standing with his arms crossed over his chest. He'd come to get Zack and had been immediately concerned with her pale palor. "I want the truth."

"Achy. Being tackled will do that to you." She yawned, frowning, when she realized how much she could use a toothbrush. "Ugh, I feel disgusting."

"Well, you look great. You're sporting a great case of bed head, though." Elliot sat on the edge of the bed and smiled.

"I'm off to relieve Fin. Anything I should know before I go over?" The older man walked closer to the bed. Now that she was awake, he wanted to see with his own eyes that she was okay.

"Just Zane's meds. I'll write down what time he takes them. Thanks for doing this, Captain." Olivia struggled to hold the pen with the IV in her hand. "Gonna' need some help here."

"I got it. I've been paying attention." He'd been trying to learn what all Olivia did with their finances and the kids, God forbid anything happened. He'd been down that road a thousand times since he'd watched her stare down the barrel of a gun.

"Make him eat, Don." She raised the bed a bit and closed her eyes when a bout of nausea made itself known.

"Not so much, Liv." Elliot quickly handed the paper and pen over and grabbed Olivia's hand gently, letting her know he was there. "Deep breaths."

"Should I get a nurse?" Don watched from the doorway, unsure of what to do.

"No. Please, no. I'm good. I just wasn't expecting that." She opened her eyes slowly, testing the waters to see if the dizziness had gone away. She sighed in relief when the room didn't sway.

"Gotta' take it easy if you want to go home." Elliot kissed bent over her carefully and kissed her forehead. "Sure you don't want something?"

"Mmm…hmm." She attempted to nod but thought better of it. She hated not being in control. She was tougher than that.

"I'll leave you two to enjoy the luxuries of our fine hospital. Feel better, Liv." Cragen waved and snuck out of the room, all the while feeling the weight of what had happened. The young woman was like a daughter to him, and he couldn't get there fast enough when Elliot had called.

"Am I allowed to have some 7 Up or something?" She swallowed several times, willing the contents of her stomach to remain where they were.

"I'll check. I'm going to step out and call the boys. Want me to tell them anything for you?" He saw her eyes well up with tears before she took a deep breath to speak.

"Tell them I love them." She locked eyes with him, conveying everything she wanted to say but couldn't. How scared she was and how much she missed two of the reasons for her waking up each morning.

"Got it. Be right back. You gonna' be okay?" He debated whether to leave just yet. He knew she was feeling vulnerable. The old Olivia would have kicked him out of the room. The wife and mother lying in the hospital bed was another person, though. She needed reassurance and support, and he was damn well going to give it to her.

"Yeah." She smiled through the moisture that clouded her vision. As she watched him leave, she finally let the tears come. Wave after wave crashed into her, and she brought the white blanket to her face to muffle her sobs. Her hands shook and she felt two arms wrap firmly around her and hold on tight. She turned into the source of protection and smelled the soft, feminine scent that could only be that of her friend. The one person who would understand her fears.

"Whoa." Casey whispered soothingly into Olivia's ear as she held her friend. "Where's Elliot?"

"He went to call…the boys." She hiccupped and tried to regain the ability to control her breathing. Her chest heaved from the exertion and she flopped back on the bed with a curse, having forgotten about her head.

"Olivia, this isn't good for you. You need to calm down. What happened? I saw Fin run out of the squad room in a frenzy. All I got from him was that he was going to your place so Elliot could take you to the hospital." She handed Olivia a tissue and watched her friend let out a shaky breath.

"What didn't happen? I went to the store to get Zane's new meds and the place was being robbed when I got there. I couldn't get out of the way and the next thing I knew, I was on the ground. How could I have let myself get into that position?" She balled up the moist blanket between her fingers.

"You didn't know that was going to happen, Olivia. I know it scared you, but you're okay. It could have ended worse." Casey furrowed her brows. Her mind instantly went to the two little boys that had become her nephews.

"I know it could have. I just…I keep thinking of them growing up without me there. I would have missed Zackary going to kindergarten. He's in preschool and he doesn't know how to tie his shoes yet. Zane leaves the house with these hideous clothes because he doesn't know what matches. I need to be there for the boys. And Elliot…" Her voice trailed off. She began to sob once again. In her weakened state, she could only lie there and let the tears flow.

"I don't want anything to ever happen to you, but you have to know they'd be okay. You can't live your life being paranoid, Olivia. You're a good mother and a good wife. What happened was out of your control. Don't let this affect how you live your life. Enjoy your family and be thankful that you have another day to spend with them. Not everyone gets that chance." Casey poked Olivia playfully on her shoulder and grinned. "You're going to be fine, and Elliot…he knows how to tie shoes, too. His clothes, though, that's another story."

"Thank you." Olivia's voice was hoarse and thick with emotion as she let out a muted laugh. She wiped away the tears as Elliot stepped into the room. His eyes grew wide when he saw the state she was in.

"Girl talk. You know how women get. I've got to go change." She held up her hand, halting any apologies from Olivia for having been the cause of the wet spot that adorned Casey's suit jacket. "Feel better, Liv."

"The boys say hi. Zane didn't want to talk at first. I could hear Fin in the background, telling him to get his 'bony little butt on the phone.'" He did air quotes and laughed as he mouthed a 'thank you' to Casey. "He got Zack a pop tart for breakfast."

"He's a good brother." She took the offered can of pop and took a sip. "What a mess."

"Here." Elliot lifted the edge of his shirt and wiped the moisture away before framing her face gently with his hands. "You're still beautiful."

"I love you." She stared out of the window at the falling snow. "I want to take the kids sledding."

"We will." He craned his neck to see her eyes. Her head was still turned.

"I think I'll sleep this off. Been sleeping a lot." She turned slowly at the urging of his fingertips on the back of her shoulder. "My breath stinks."

"I'll live." He grabbed the edge of the bed behind him and scooted closer. "Love you, too." He ran his hand lightly over the back of her head, careful not to hurt her. Once she was asleep, he stared out of the same window. He remembered an explanation of how snowflakes formed from an elective he took in college. It amazed him at how an aggregate of things could come together to form a perfect mesh of ice. He stifled a laugh when he thought of how similar it was to his family, and how corny the thought was coming from him.

"You're a pain in the ass." Olivia smiled and nuzzled her head in the crook of his neck.

xxx

Olivia was resting comfortably at home, having been discharged an hour early. Elliot leaned against the doorframe and watched her sleep. He made a move to leave when she turned her head to face him.

She hissed and bit back a curse when the back of her head made contact with the pillow. She lightly fingered the knot that had formed just under her hair.

"Hey." Elliot's voice drifted into the room from where he stood. His shadow hovered over the edge of the bed.

"How long have you been standing there?" She sat up in bed slowly. So far, so good.

"Long enough to know you're probably ready for some more drugs." He held out his hands and pulled her up. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Olivia smiled weakly. "God, I'm emotional."

"Zack's been bugging me to let him in here." Elliot held her face in his hands and gently wiped away a tear as she fought for her composure.

"You can come in, buddy." She glanced over his shoulder and saw a small form hiding behind the opened door.

Zackary crept into the room. "Wanna' pway hide and seek?"

"Not now, Zack. Your mom had to go to the doctor, remember? She's got a headache right now. Maybe later, okay?" Elliot picked the little boy up and ruffled his hair a bit. He'd just given the little boy a buzz cut, something they'd started doing to save money.

"Fine. I wanna' pway on the computer, den." Zackary wriggled around in his father's arms before being set down on the floor. The minute his feet hit the surface, he took off.

"I'll get it started for him. What's Zane been doing?" Olivia smoothed down the errant strands of hair that were sticking up as she passed the mirror in the hallway.

"He's been working on some Lego thing he got for his birthday. Had a little meltdown earlier when he couldn't find a piece." He shifted his gaze to the hallway to make sure his son wasn't nearby.

"Were you able to get off for the appointment tomorrow?" Olivia sat down on the chair to the computer and pressed the button. Colored pictures and drawings adorned the surface of the desk, leaving barely any room for the mouse to be moved.

"Yep, got it taken care of. Kathleen is coming over to watch Zackary after he gets out of preschool. You sure you're going to be up to it?" He clicked the television on and began flipping. He'd missed all of the good games already. He wouldn't trade the time spent with his kids for anything, though.

"I'll be fine. I hope it helps. I can't stand the thought of him hurting." The memory was etched into her mind of that day; the morning they first found out something was going on with their oldest son. The bathroom mirror had fogged over, leaving three words that sent Olivia's heart plummeting. I. Hate. Myself. Ever since, they'd struggled to grasp the idea that a nine year-old could be hurting so much.

"Maybe this guy will actually talk to him. How the hell is he supposed to get any better if the only people the damn shrink talks to are us?" It had taken him a while to warm up to the idea that whatever had been going on with their son couldn't be helped by them. Olivia had opened his eyes to new possibilities, though, ensuring that it was not the lack of parenting that was the issue.

"I know. I hope this one is better. It's out of our network, but I'm willing to pay more if it helps." She logged onto the computer and double-clicked on the icon. "Is it really three o'clock?"

"Yeah. You needed the rest. We need to pick up a new alarm for the bedroom. I finally unplugged that one. Cragen had a shit fit when I was late on Friday." He saw Olivia mouthing for him to watch his language and raised his hands in a mock surrender. He laughed as his son gently pushed Olivia out of the way.

"All ready, buddy. Which one do you want to color first?" Olivia bent over and clicked on the desired picture on the screen. It amazed her that a four year-old could use a computer. There were times Elliot would sit there screaming profanities at the screen because he couldn't get it to work. The little boy was able to use it with ease.

"What do you want for dinner tonight?" Olivia rummaged through the cabinets and sighed. She had no desire to leave the house.

"Let's order in. Zane will eat his usual hot dog. Zack will eat whatever we order. Chinese sound good?" Elliot fished out his wallet and flipped through the bills. "I've got enough cash."

"As long as I don't have to make anything or go anywhere. I'm going to go talk to Zane." Olivia kissed Elliot on the cheek and returned his smile. It still made her heart flutter.

The door was open slightly, and Olivia could see him bent over the array of pieces on the floor. They were all organized, though, according to the various parts of the dinosaur's body. The image made her smile. From early on, he'd been that way, ensuring that everything he did was in an ordered fashion.

"Hey, mom." Zane heard the soft padding of her feet and turned around. He continued working as she sat on the bed.

"Looking good." Olivia leaned over to see what he was doing. Methodically, he slid the small, grey piece into the black opening, effecting creating vertebrae for the dinosaur's neck. She looked on, astonished, that he didn't need any instructions.

"Thanks. Zack kept getting into the pieces." He shook his head, a little miffed that his brother had mixed them all up.

"He's on the computer now. We'll keep him out for a while so you can work on that. I appreciate you letting him watch you. We'll have to get him a set for Christmas." She inhaled, taking in the scent of her son's room. She'd put an air freshener in the closet and the scent had quickly made its way into the room. He'd complained about the smell, prompting her to switch it out so he didn't smell so 'girly'.

"Do you have a headache? Dad said you hurt your head." Zane glanced over and back again at his project. "I can get you some Tylenol."

"I'll take something in a little bit. I wanted to see how you were. I know you were worried ; I'm sorry I scared you. You know I wouldn't let anything happen, right? I love you boys too much." She put her hand on his back. His appetite had waned with the increase of his medication, and she worried he wasn't eating as much as he should.

"I know. I'm glad you're okay." He smiled briefly. He knew their jobs were dangerous, but he never accounted for the other possibilities of them getting injured in their daily lives.

"You know, I think maybe you could earn some money to buy some more of those. If you help out around the house and keep your grades up, I think we could give you some money so you can save up to buy the things you want. What do you think? I know you've been eying that Star Wars game for your Gameboy." She knew he was getting older and that the things he wanted cost more than when he was smaller. She and Elliot didn't want the kids to be spoiled, though.

"Sure. Like what? Taking out the trash and stuff?" Zane quit working on his Lego dinosaur to give her his full attention. "I'm not cleaning Zack's side of the room."

"I wouldn't expect you to, but yeah, taking out the trash would be fine." She saw him nod slowly, as if pondering whether it was worth the hassle.

"Okay. Do I have to start now?" He eyed the pieces in front of him.

"No, you don't have to start now. You can start on Monday. Just wanted to see what you were up to. I love you, son." She shut the door behind her and made her way to the living room to diffuse an argument Zack was having with the 'stupid computer.'

"Ask for help, Zack." She closed the pop-up window that had covered the area he was working on. "Click the other button. See?"

"Sit down, Liv." Elliot crossed the room and ushered her to the couch where he found a half eaten package of multi-colored shapes. "Damn fruit snacks."

"You always cave when he asks." She laughed at his mock glare. "What? You do!"

"Just watch the movie." He pressed the play button and glanced over his shoulder at the computer. Zack was moving the mouse around. Every now and then, he would study what he'd done. Always analyzing, just like his brother, with his tongue stuck out slightly.

"What are we watching?" She eyes him suspiciously when he turned to face her. "I don't want to see a shoot-em up movie."

"Just watch. Casey dropped it by." He handed her the case and saw a grin spread across her face. It was good to see her happy, even if it was over another guy. He rolled his eyes and grabbed the plastic holder before she started drooling on it.

"Mmm…I'll have to thank her." She laid her head on his chest and hooked her arms around his midsection. She loved lazy days at home with her family.

xxx

The apartment was dark. The usual flicker that would dance off the walls from the current television program was absent. The soft hum of the fan was the only sound that pierced the silence. It was too quiet, she'd said. Ever since, the nightly ritual had been the same. The fan would go on at ten-thirty. Halfway through the night, she would wake up shivering and turn the switch over to the right once for the lowest heat setting. Two hours later, she would throw the blankets off to cool off. An hour later, just before her alarm, she would wake to the stifling, unbearable heat. The switch would return to its original place so the room could cool enough for her to sleep just one more hour. It drove him crazy that she couldn't just get a heavier comforter; that she couldn't buy a more expensive model to provide just the right amount of hot and cold so that she could sleep throughout the night. So that they both could get eight hours of uninterrupted sleep. Lord knows they rarely got enough as it was.

He shivered as he got into bed behind her. She'd fallen asleep halfway through the news, and with his urging, had gone to bed before him. Her thin cami had risen to just above the curve of her spine. He didn't need to see her to know that any minute, she'd be getting up to flip the switch. He snuggled closer and wrapped his arms around her. He smoothed the fabric over her chilled flesh. It wasn't her fault; he knew that. Things had gotten worse around the age of sixteen, and had gotten a fan so that she could sleep. As the years passed and she struggled with utilities, she would get a dual-functioning fan. She'd gotten it when she was twenty-three, she'd said. All those years later, it was on the verge of dying. It still worked away, emitting the sound she needed in order to rest. The noisy neighbors walking upstairs across the hardwood floor would not be heard, nor would the squeaking of the bedsprings in the apartment adjacent to hers. Over the years, he had to admit that he was glad she had something to ease her mind all those years and even then when he had to work late.

She mumbled something in her sleep, her voice barely carrying through the air. He whispered the mantra he'd used the night before when she'd tossed and turned. The therapy session had been hard on her; it had been hard on them both. It'll be okay. He listened to her breathing, all the while hoping and praying that she would find the peace she needed. Just once.

On the nightstand behind him was a single frame which bore the picture of their sons smiling back at the camera. So young and innocent, they had no idea the world was full of such violence. That in a matter of moments, their mother could have been taken away from them. No sloppy kisses goodbye. No bedtime stories. No more piggyback rides on the way back from the park. It would all end, because she was their world. They would have Casey and him to keep things 'normal', but it would never be the same.

His gaze shifted to their wedding photo. He remembered the way she looked as he watched her walk toward him that day. Her dress flowed behind her as if suspended in mid air. She'd never looked more beautiful, and he'd nearly passed out just looking at her. He'd forgotten the words he'd struggled to remember on the way over. With trembling hands, he tried valiantly to slip the ring onto her finger. Patiently, she waited for him to pick it back up and try once again. She kissed him softly and squeezed his hand. It'll be okay.

She stirred next to him, and he counted off the seconds before she would ease out of his embrace and pad over to the corner. He kissed the back of her head gently, taking in the scent of her shampoo. She'd splurged a week before and bought conditioner, as well. Such a rebel.

He felt the mattress dip just once and cracked his eyes open as she rolled to face him on the bed. Tired orbs stared back at him. He urged her silently to go back to sleep. With a lazy smile, she let her heavy lids close once more. It reminded him of Zackary and how little fists would rub his weary eyes before holding out his arms. He would bend down to scoop up the little boy. Carefully, he would place the already sleeping toddler next to his mother. She would quietly ask if everything was okay. With a nod, he would ease her inquisitive mind. Her lips would curl up, ever so slightly, and she would return to her slumber. Everything was okay.


	3. Chapter 3

Five blocks. For five blocks, the car had been following them. Elliot glanced into the rearview mirror and back again at the street. He could feel Olivia's gaze on him, questioning.

Should I be worried?" She resisted the urge to turn around in her seat.

"Don't know. Black Cadillac two cars back. Boys buckled in? You have your seat belt on?" He cleared his throat, nervously. Any other time, he'd have been cool and collected. When it came to his family, it was a whole different ball game. If he had to admit it, he'd say he was a little scared for them. They were his life.

"Zane, do you have your seat belt on, honey? Check your brother's, too, please." Olivia stole a peek in the side mirror. Sure enough, the Escalade changed lanes, just as her husband had.

"It's on, mom. I checked Zack's earlier when we got in." Zane looked up from his Gameboy. "Why?"

"Just want to make sure you're safe. That you remember those things. Always wear your belt, son." She knew he was picking up on the tension in the car.

"How much snow do you think we got this time?" Elliot forced a smile as he tried to ease his son's mind that anything was wrong.

"Um…probably ten or eleven. Looks deep." Zane peered out of the side window at the scenery.

"Maybe not that much, but we did get a lot this time. I think they said eight inches. Did you remember to bring an extra pair of gloves?" Olivia pulled on the grey strap covering her chest and abdomen. "They've been looking forward to this all day."

"I know." Elliot turned the radio up so his son wouldn't get worried about why they were whispering. He could hear Zane talking about what he'd brought with him. While he understood how much they wanted to go sledding, their safety outweighed anything else.

"Mom? I said I forgot my other pair. Sorry." Zack searched his pockets once again. "Dang it."

"It's okay. I just thought if your other ones got wet you could switch them out. Don't worry about it." She pulled her cell phone out of her purse and set it in the small slot by the door handle. She could hear the clicking of the buttons and felt relieved when he resumed playing.

"I think it's gone. No…no, wait." Elliot shifted in his seat. He sat at the light and raised his hands up as if he were stretching. Casually, he adjusted the mirror. The car was now in his blind spot. It was getting closer. "I'm going to drive around. That bastard's been tailing us since we left the house. Who the hell is this guy?"

"Elliot, I think that's the guy from the store. Victor Moreno." She squinted, trying to see the man's features.

"Are you sure? I mean…damn." He made a motion with his fingers for her to call the station.

"Hey, it's Olivia. Was Moreno released, by any chance?" Olivia tapped her fingernail against the smooth surface of the phone.

"Mor…oh. I don't know how, but Moreno was released yesterday, pending his trial. Why?" He grew concerned as he listened to her. He waited what seemed like forever until she spoke again.

"Because he's been following us. We're on Fifth and…72nd. Which precinct is around here? What's the number?" She heard him shuffling through a stack of papers.

"That would be the 19th. Number's 212-452-0600. Who's with you?" He could hear muffled voices as she repeated the phone number.

"The boys and Elliot. We're going to Pilgrim Hill." She glanced over at Elliot. He was holding onto the steering wheel partially with one hand so the ink wouldn't smear where he'd written the number.

"Okay, the station is at 67th. I'll call them myself and have a couple units meet up with you. Drive around the block." Don quickly jotted down their location. "Sit tight, okay? I'm going to have to let you go to call. I want an update, Detective." He could hear her sigh of relief before she hung up the phone.

"Cragen's sending a couple cars over. He wants us to drive around the block. The 1-9 isn't far away." She pulled down her visor and looked at her son. His worried eyes were staring back at her.

"What's happening? Where are we going?" Zane saw his father turn away from the park.

"Your dad noticed something wrong with the car, so someone is meeting us to make sure it's safe for us to keep going. Why don't you plug your headphones into your Gameboy, okay?" She saw him nod. He wasn't buying it, but he let her off the hook and grabbed the ear buds.

"He put 'em in?" Elliot noticed the first car as it came around the corner and nodded as the officers drove by. Next came a second from the side street.

"Yeah. Zack's still asleep." Olivia sat up straighter in her seat.

"You doin' okay? Your head okay?" He still worried about her. Days later, he still woke up in the middle of the night to check on her. To rouse her with his fingertips on the back of her tanned flesh.

"It's fine. Just the residual headache. I took something before we left." She laced her fingers with his right. Their joined hands rested on his thigh. She could feel the hard, muscular structure under the fabric of his pants. He'd always been ripped.

"Little lower, Liv." He felt the blush in his face and chuckled. "Gotta' focus."

"Party pooper. Think the boys will sleep well tonight?" She grinned, letting the gravity of the situation diffuse just for a moment. "Better make sure they get some extra sledding time in."

"Oh, they will." He muttered under his breath and felt a gentle squeeze. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her smirk before turning back to the window.

"Turn here!" Olivia saw an opening in the traffic and felt the car swerve to the right. She braced her hands against the window.

"Zane." Elliot barked at his son. His eyes darted around, trying to locate the SUV. "Take off our jacket and put it over your brother. Do it now, son."

"Elliot, the kids…" Her heart rate rose and her breathing became labored. It was getting more dangerous. They had two little boys to think about. He knew it and so did she. There was a chance he had a gun. A good chance. There was also a chance they could have an accident. There were far too many cars out on the road for that to be ruled out as a possibility. Lives could be lost.

"I know that, Olivia!" Elliot snapped, his body tense. He felt her flinch. "I…I know."

"'Kay." She pulled her hand from Elliot's grasp and turned around in her seat to look at her son. "Zane, buddy, it's really important that you listen to your father and I. Someone doesn't like us very much right now and they're trying to scare us by following us. We're having some police cars come and meet us. I know it's scary, but I need you to help me out and be strong."

"Why are they trying to scare us?" Zane looked over at his brother, who had started to stir. The coat shifted just bit as the little boy moved around.

"I don't know, but your father's a good driver. Now, I need to tell you something. The glass on the car, it may break. That's why I needed you to cover your brother, because he can't get out of his seat. I need you to pay attention. If I tell you to get on the floor, do it." She tried so hard to convey how serious the situation was. She knew he was terrified, but she'd deal with that later.

"Okay, mom." Zane packed his Gameboy into its case and shoved it under his dad's seat.

"Love you, buddy." She put on a brave face and the biggest smile she could fake.

"Damn it, where in the hell are they? I thought they were close!" Elliot pounded the steering wheel. He'd long since given up on staying calm for the kids.

"I don't know. I thought they were, too. Maybe we should just drive there." She was feeling more and more helpless as the time progressed. She gasped as the car suddenly swerved again; this time into the right lane.

"Shit! There it is. Behind us. What's he doing?" He craned his neck to see through the partially tinted windows of the SUV. "What's he doing, Liv?"

"I can't tell. I'm getting in the back." She'd had enough worrying about the kids. It was the boys or her and her mind was frantic with the notion that she'd have to bury one of her children. Or both.

"Be safe. I love you, baby." Tears sprang to his eyes and he wanted so desperately for her to understand that he was just stressed. That he didn't mean to yell at her. That he loved her so goddamned much it hurt. He locked eyes with her one last time before she unhooked her belt and climbed into the back.

"How you doing? You doing okay back here?" Olivia smiled at Zane and rubbed his knee. "Your brother went back to sleep."

"Yeah. Are you okay mom?" Zane took in the lines on her forehead and the way she would close her eyes briefly, as if she was sleepy.

"Yep. Mom's fine. You remember the movie where they have that big, silver sled and it's got flames it's going so fast?" She nudged him with her elbow and grinned as his eyes lit up.

"Yeah, that was cool. I wanna' try that." He clapped his hands together in excitement.

"You could. It's been a while since we've been to a movie. Harry Potter comes out soon, I think." Olivia leaned over Zane to look in the side mirror. The car was following at a close distance. In far edges of her view, she saw the telltale signs of an NYPD squad car. The stark white body stood out against the dark hues that marked the newer models around it.

"There's another one next to it." Elliot nodded his head a little, indicating where the car was. "I don't know how they're going to get us out of thi…shit!"

"What?" Zane rose up in his seat to look out the back. "Who's that?"

"Sit down in your seat." She gently pressed on his shoulder.

"Get down!" Elliot watched in horror as the man behind him started reaching into the passenger seat. "Down, Liv!"

"Get your head down. Touch your hands on the floor." Olivia sank down into her seat and pushed the two ends of the lap belt together. She bit her bottom lip. She had to choose. "Stay down, son. I need you to stay down so I know you're safe."

"Are we going sledding?" Zack awoke to the heat of the coat and tried to shake it off.

"In a little bit. Keep that on, okay? Do as mommy says." She wrapped her right arm around his small body. Her left arm just barely fit around Zane's bony shoulders.

"Can I have some fruit snacks?" Zack frowned and crossed his arms, clearly upset that they the tone of her voice meant they weren't going to the park anytime soon, no matter what she said.

"After we stop, you can have some. I don't want you to choke in the car. There's snow on the streets and daddy's driving really careful but you remember that one time he had to stop the car real quick?" She saw him nod.

"Yeah. Stupid man." Zack's eyes grew wide when she gave him a stern look to watch his language.

"Hang on!" Elliot eyed the side mirror and sped up before slipping into a spot no bigger than the car he was driving. Horns honked as the driver behind slowed down to avoid a collision. "Sorry…asshole."

"I heard that, dad." Zane turned his head to the side.

"Not the time, son." Olivia lowered her head down to rest on Zack's fuzzy hat. Dark, brown hair peeked out from the sides and it tickled her face.

"Sorry, mom." Zane began playing with a loose strand of carpet fiber. He twirled it between his fingers and pulled. He was already bored.

"One more." Elliot jerked the wheel to the left and slammed on the breaks to stop in the left turn lane at the light. The black Escalade whizzed past, and the driver looked none too happy as the two squad cars began to follow at a closer distance. Elliot could see the blue and red lights signal the other cars to get out of the way.

"Oh, thank God!" Olivia pulled Zane up and gave him a fierce hug. She planted a kiss on his face before doing the same to Zackary. With shaking hands, she reached around the passenger seat to grab her cell phone.

"I'll do it. I've got it." Elliot squeezed her ice cold hand gently and rubbed the top with his thumb before bringing her hand up to his mouth. He puffed warm air onto the reddened area and reluctantly let go when she slipped the phone into his grasp. "I'm going to call Cragen."

"Mom?" Zack wriggled in his seat and threw the offending coat off. His cheeks were bright red.

"Yes, son?" Olivia unzipped his coat so he could cool off. The boys were always hot, even in the winter.

"Can I have some fruit snack now?" He looked at her in confusion as she began to laugh.

"Buddy, you can have whatever you want." Olivia gave him a light peck on his forehead and let out a chuckle.

"Great." Zane rolled his eyes and put his ear buds in once again. Just before he turned the game on, he heard his father's groan come from the front of the car.

"Thanks, Liv." Elliot furrowed his brows and turned the mirror to look at her.

"You're welcome." Olivia sat proudly in the back seat, a huge grin plastered on her face.


	4. Chapter 4

The Stabler boys were lined up on the bench, each occupied in one form or another. Zane had a tablet of paper propped on his knees that one of the rookies had given him to use. He meticulously drew line after line, creating the creature that he'd visualized in his head. Every now and then, Zack would peer over to see what his brother was drawing before returning to his miniature dinosaur figures.

Olivia peeked around the corner once again. She smiled at one of the officers who had looked up from his paperwork to ensure that her sons were still within eyesight.

"Are you sure? Okay, thanks." Cragen shook his head and hung up the phone. "Moreno's being processed in their jurisdiction."

"Good. I don't want him here. I don't want that son of a bitch near my kids." Elliot felt an arm snake around his midsection as Olivia leaned across his back. He could smell the sweet aroma of a fruit snack Zackary had insisted on her eating. It reminded him of the strawberry shower gel she'd gotten as a gift and the first time he'd helped her use it. He hoped his superior didn't notice that he'd started to sweat.

"That's why he's over there, Elliot. He added a few more charges during the police chase." He bent down to see through the blinds. "Everyone okay?"

"Zane was a little anxious on the way over. We explained it the best we could. Zack seems to be fine. We'll watch them to make sure." Olivia rested her head on Elliot's shoulder, suddenly needing to be closer than she already was.

"I'll keep our eye on this one. I told them to let me know if this guy so much as takes a leak. They expedited the process to get him in on Monday morning." Cragen studied the detectives before him. It was no wonder they ended up together. They deserved it. He took in the slight flush to Elliot's cheeks and bit back a laugh. The man had it bad. Hell, if he were twenty years younger, he would, too.

"Good." Elliot turned around when he felt Olivia shift out of his embrace and leave the room. He smiled when she bent down to pick up their son. The little boy's head fit perfectly in the crook of her neck, and she held it there, protectively.

"She okay?" Cragen nodded toward the door and whispered.

"She's trying to be tough, but she's scared. I can see it in her eyes. Make sure this guy stays put this time." Elliot locked eyes with his superior.

"Focus on Olivia and the kids, Elliot. I've got this." He clapped the younger man on the back and shook his hand. Elliot was understandably upset.

"Jesus, this guy knows where we live." Elliot ran a hand over his mouth. "I didn't even re…" He stopped as Cragen held up his hand, halting any further discussion.

"Taken care of. Add a couple of unregistered firearms, and reckless endangerment, along with a laundry list of others. Guy's not going to see the light of day for a while." Don watched Elliot visibly relax, his shoulder slumping just a bit. It was a step. "Get your family out of here, detective."

"I think Zackary's asleep again. He's going to be one upset little boy if he doesn't get to go sledding. I don't know where he gets his sleeping habits." Elliot's heart swelled as he opened the door to take his family home. He gathered his son into his arms and hifted his weight. "Let's go."

"Don't forget to give the paper back, Zane." Olivia helped him tear off the page without ripping it, and pushed him gently to return the tablet himself. "Thanks, everyone."

"We're probably not going sledding now, are we?" Zane scooped up the pterodactyl and tyrannosaurus rex from the bench and shoved them into his pocket.

"Sorry, son. We'll go another time, okay?" Elliot rifled through his pockets for his keys and unlocked the door.

"Wait, I have an idea. Why don't you take Zane sledding? I'll drop you off and you guys can take the subway home. He needs to learn how to ride it at some point." Olivia saw the sparkle in her son's eyes and opened the door for him to slide in before shutting the door.

"You sure? We can go another time, Liv." Elliot carefully placed Zack into his seat and checked the seat belt to make sure it was snug. Slowly, he closed door so it wouldn't slam.

"I'm sure. He really wants to go, El. I think it'll be good for him to spend some time with you." Seeing his reluctance, she added, "Zack and I will be fine."

"Okay." Elliot nodded and got into the passenger seat. "You know he won't forget he was supposed to go, too."

"I know. We'll go out and make a snowman. Don't worry about, honey. Just have a good time." She turned in the driver's seat and smiled. "Your dad's taking you sledding, okay?"

"Really?" Zane pressed the lock down on his door and looked up.

"Yeah. Just us guys. Unless you don't want to go…" Elliot let his voice trail off, for dramatic effect.

"No! No, I'll go. Cool. Thanks, dad." Zane beamed, unable to wipe the enormous grin off his face. The small gap in his front teeth showed, something they knew would need to be fixed with in the next year.

"It's your mom's idea. She's going to drop us off and take your brother home." Elliot wiped a patch of salt that had somehow worked its way into the fabric of his pants. "Guess he wants to go, huh?"

"Thanks, mom." Zane stared out of the window as the white-crusted buildings flew by.

Xxx

"Dad, what's for di…" Zane abruptly shut his mouth the moment he entered the house.

"Shh…Take your boots off and put them on the mat." Elliot noticed the dimmed lighting and glanced at the clock on the stove. He'd been gone for three hours, and all he wanted to do was relax. He slipped his coat off set it next to his boots to dry off.

He crept into the living room and smiled. Zackary was sitting a mere foot from the television with an array of semi-translucent figures before him on the wrapper. The volume had been turned down to his cartoon, and he sat happily as the show progressed.

"Hey, buddy." Elliot removed the throw from the back of the couch and covered his slumbering wife. His hands were still cold, and he avoided touching any exposed skin for fear of waking her. Her breathing was deep and even, a sign she'd been asleep for quite some time. His stomach grumbled, reminding him he had yet to feed his family. He groaned as he lowered himself to the floor.

"I can't hear it. Can you turn it up?" Zackary crawled into his father's lap and leaned in toward the television.

"Just a bit." Elliot pressed the button and glanced over his shoulder to ensure that the volume hadn't been too loud. "You're going to turn into a fruit snack, you know that?"

"Nuh uh." Zack grinned, showing his baby teeth. "Where's Zane?"

"He's probably changing. I saw the snowman in the front yard. It looks good." Elliot had laughed so hard from the looks of the lopsided snowman that it had taken him a while to compose himself and go inside.

"Thanks." Zack turned back to the television, his attention reserved for the moments between commercial breaks.

"Be good, I'm going to start dinner." Elliot patted Zackary's leg and waited for the little boy to slide onto the floor.

"I wanna' help." Zack quickly shut off the television, earning a look of shock from his father.

"Okay, then. I'll get the chair so you don't wake your mom." Elliot picked up the chair and brought it to the counter. He waited for his son to climb on and turned the knobs. When then water was lukewarm, he squirted a small drop of soap into his hands.

"What's for dinner?" Zack held his hands under the stream of water to rinse the soap off.

"How about…spaghetti?" Elliot chuckled as Zack's face lit up. He handed him the dish towel and pulled out the ingredients.

"Mmm…" Zackary smacked his lips. His grin was ear-to-ear.

"Let me get the pan this time." Elliot leaned down to open the cabinet and jumped when his butt was slapped from behind.

"Gotcha!" Olivia gave Zack a high-five while Elliot glared. "I couldn't resist."

"I thought you were sleeping." Elliot pointed to his son in mock anger. "'And you're supposed to be on my side. Your mother corrupted you while I was gone."

"I was. I heard the television turn off. You guys have a good time?" Olivia scooted the chair closer to the stove and turned on the flame. "Stay right there."

"Yeah. There were a lot of kids. He wasn't really into it until another kid asked if he wanted to race." Elliot placed the package of hamburger into the microwave.

"Good. He just needs a little push." Olivia slipped her arm around Elliot and flinched. "You're freezing."

"It's cold out, Liv. I see you've been out, too." Elliot nodded toward the window.

"Yep. The gloves were Zack's idea. I knew you had that old pair with the holes in it sitting in the garage." Olivia separated the blinds and looked out.

"I didn't know I kept them after the neighbor's dog chewed them up." He'd always hated the dog, from the day it came running into their yard, effectively destroying every one of the flowers Olivia had just planted. She'd been so proud of them.

"We need to get you a coat with zippers on the pockets so you won't lose them." Olivia saw his frown and gave him a peck on the cheek. "I know what you're thinking."

"I'm trying to remember when they're leaving on their trip so I can put an ad in the paper for their dog." Elliot chuckled as Olivia smacked him on the arm.

"Elliot! That would be funny, though. You know, some day they're going to call the cops on you for threatening their dog." She noticed the water beginning to boil and dumped the hamburger into the frying pan.

"Liv, we _are_ the cops." Elliot grinned and swatted Zack playfully with the wooden spoon. "Sorry, buddy. There isn't a lot you can help with until it's done cooking."

"Fine." Zack scowled and sighed dramatically before jumping down from the chair. He muttered under his breath a few choice words.

"And we lost him. He's got your patience." Olivia stirred the hamburger. "And your mouth."

"What? I've been good." He nudged the chair out of the way with his foot.

"Oh, you have, have you? So, what was last week then?" She laughed as she recalled the scene in the bedroom. She'd tossed the remote to him, only she'd put too much effort into the throw. The remote had barely missed his head, prompting him to utter the f-bomb the moment his son entered the room. "What the f about daddy?"

"Damn." Elliot rubbed the back of his neck. "Not one of my brighter moments."

"Nope. Just be lucky he hasn't said it since. You get to have a talk with him later. Again." She sprinkled in the garlic powder and grabbed an onion from the refrigerator. "Start chopping."

"I suppose this is my penance." Elliot swiped at his eyes with the back of his hand as he brought the blade of the knife down several times.

"Of sorts. The sidewalk needs shoveled." Olivia grinned. She'd started in on the walkway before Zack had needed her help to stack the 'big snowballs'.

"I'll do it tomorrow if I'm not too sore. I'm not used to bending over like that." Elliot bent back and cringed when several popping sounds followed.

"Aww…poor baby." Olivia leaned in and smiled. "I could take care of that for you toni…"

"Hey, mom." Zane opened the refrigerator and grabbed a juice box before turning back around, completely oblivious to his stunned parents.

"Jesus." Elliot shook his head.

"The look on your face was priceless!" Olivia tucked away a loose strand of hair, something she found herself doing a lot in her husband's presence.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you today." Elliot cocked his head to the side and stared at her, slowly taking in the look of content that had graced her features. He hugged her from behind as she browned the hamburger. "Love you."

Olivia simply nodded in return. After several seconds, she glanced over her shoulder. "Love you more."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: If anyone is a little confused as to who the character in this chapter is, please refer to "In My Arms". Now that I have that out of the way...is anyone else suffering from withdrawls?:(

The phone had rang once, followed by the annoying, default tone of Elliot's cell. After each rang once more, John finally got up. He flipped the phone open and noticed there were four missed calls, two of which had come when he'd stepped into Cragen's office. The time stamp indicated that the first call had come an hour and twelve minutes prior to the last. Damn. Where in the hell was he?

"Liv?" Fin frowned upon seeing his partner's concerned expression.

"Yeah. Two from her cell and two from home. Better go find him." John pocketed the phone and went in search of his friend, who he knew would be beyond upset when he learned he'd missed his wife's calls.

"Cap, have you seen Elliot?" John poked his head into his superior's office. "His phone's been ringing. I think something's up with Liv. I don't want to go running all over this place if you know where he's at."

Cragen motioned for John to enter his office and picked up the phone. "Hey Doc. Is Stabler down there? Send him over. Tell him it's about Olivia." He placed the phone on the hook and debated whether to call Olivia himself.

"I'll go hang out in case his desk phone rings again." John made his way back into the squad room and set the phone back onto Elliot's desk. Moments later, the hard pounding could be heard. Elliot breezed through, cursing up a storm.

"Damnit!" Elliot saw his phone lying on his desk and slammed his hand against the surface. The few officers in the room looked up briefly before returning to their tasks. "Shit!"

"Be cool. Maybe it's nothing." Fin rounded his desk and sat on the edge of the vacant desk that had once been Olivia's. They still had yet to find a suitable partner for Elliot. No one had lasted more than a few months.

"I'm so sorry, honey." The moment Olivia answered Elliot began to apologize profusely.

"I know you're busy with the Henderson case and I tried Casey but she's in court all day." Olivia took a deep breath and sat down on the couch. "Can you come home?"

"Olivia, what's wrong?" A million different reasons why she wouldn't be working raced through his mind. What if she'd gotten hurt somehow? Was it the boys?

"Bill's dead." Her voice was a mere whimper. Her mind refused to believe that it had happened.

"Oh, honey." Elliot sat down heavily into his chair. He held the phone against his ear and shoulder and rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand.

"I got a call at work. I had to go up there and identify th…I had to…"

"I'm so sorry, baby." Elliot groaned. The man had no surviving family and had insisted upon adding Olivia to his will. In addition, she'd insisted upon being his next of kin because she just couldn't live with herself if anything happened without her knowing it. His heart ached for the hurt she was feeling that, he knew, had to be so much worse. "I'll be right there."

"Okay." She felt her throat constrict and could barely get the word out.

Elliot yanked his jacket from the back of his chair and shoved his arms through the sleeves before jamming his phone into the pocket. He let out a puff of air and closed his eyes. When he opened them, three men were staring at him.

"Is it one of the boys?" Cragen watched the younger man's eyes fill, a sign that something terrible had happened. The man could only shake his head.

"Bill." Elliot cleared his throat, but no more words would come. He let out a shuddery breath and jogged out of the room.

The drive home was ruthless. The man that had made such an impact on his wife's life was gone. He still had the roll of film from when they'd first met. He wished he'd gotten it developed, but it had remained in the wicker basket that held the pens and pencils.

It was amazing to him, shocking that the older man had no family. His wife and adult son had been killed in an accident some twenty years ago after she'd been driving back from the airport. Elliot still remembered the way the man's eyes lit up upon seeing Olivia. God how he wished he could give them more time to get to know one another.

As he pulled into the drive, he collected his thoughts. He had no idea what to say or do. Over the years, the man had become part of their family. Even as an adult, Olivia had looked to Bill for guidance and support on more than one occasion. Elliot had always been told that life was not fair, but sometimes he cursed how cruel it could be.

He found her in the family room. She was lying on her side in a fetal position on the couch with her face pressed into cushions that lined the back. He would have thought she was sleeping, but the hitching of her breath gave her away. As he neared her still form, he saw the phone still in her hands, as if she expected someone to call and tell her that it was all a mistake. That the man that meant so much to her didn't desert her again; once and for all.

He toed his shoes off and bent down to touch her shoulder, careful not to startle her. She had yet to acknowledge his presence. As soon as his hand made contact with the throw she was covered in, she abruptly turned to face him. He swallowed the lump in his throat. "Hey."

"Elliot." She pulled him to her and clutched the phone to her chest and closed her eyes. She couldn't bear to look into his just yet, for she knew they would be her breaking point.

"Give me the phone, Liv." Elliot gently pried her fingers off of the black object and held it to his ear to see if it was off. "Let me hold you."

She couldn't speak. The simple request of a husband begging his wife to allow him the daunting task of putting back together the broken woman in his arms. She nodded and clamped her eyes shut but the tears still came. She sniffled, trying with all her might to hold in the sobs. It wasn't until his hand slid under her shirt that she lost it. The intimate touch of love, compassion, and understanding that conveyed just how much he understood her pain.

He didn't say a word. He cupped the side of her face with his left hand and worked his hand around to the small of her back to draw her closer.

She sobbed into his chest and into the crook of his neck when she didn't know how else to lose it. There was no script to follow, no procedure to tell her what motions to go through. She felt horrible. Terrible because, on some level, she loved this man more than her own mother. For the simple fact that he had given her fourteen days of peace that alcohol could never grant Serena Benson.

He sensed the guilt, the sorrow as she realized that she cared so much more for a man that came back into her life long after her mother had passed. The anguish that all she had left of him were the few memories she'd had as a child and the handful she'd been able to acquire on her visits to his apartment. It hadn't been long enough, and he cursed the divine plan that had once again left her to suffer.

As a family, they had decided to attend services when they could. He'd stopped going when work got to be too much and the residual anger from the cases he worked left him with a distaste that never seemed to fade until he and Olivia started dating. Over time, his outlook on life in general had started to improve and together they went each Sunday to morning mass. They would sit side-by-side on the pew. Occasionally, Olivia would look over and smile before turning back to the sermon.

He would watch her as she listened intently to what was being said. It was clear that she was empowered by what she heard in that small time frame each week and he'd started to notice that Olivia too had been changed. Along with the department move years prior, church seemed to be just what she needed to be in a frame of mind to be able to meet the needs of their children. As he held her in his arms, he wondered once again how it was that her faith was so strong.

A knock on the door broke him from his thoughts, and he placed a kiss on the top of her head before gently easing out of her embrace. "Be right back."

"I have a certified envelope for a…well, it just says Stabler." The man took in Elliot's haggard expression and chose to keep his chit-chat to a minimum.

"Thanks." Elliot signed the green card and handed it over. He froze when he saw who had sent it. He carried it over to the couch and held it out for her to see.

Olivia wiped her eyes and blinked away a fresh new wave of tears that had clouded her vision. With shaky hands, she broke the seal and bent the two small pieces of metal that held the flap in place. With a pained expression, she looked up at Elliot.

Elliot moved to sit beside her on the couch, knowing she needed the physical contact to keep her anchored. She needed him to be there for her just as much as he needed to feel needed. He waited with baited breath as she pulled out the contents and began reading. A hand rose to her mouth, followed by a gasp.

"Oh, God." Olivia dropped the letter to the floor, unable to read any further. All the years she'd been trying to piece together her existence only to come up with more questions than answers. She'd finally given up looking and sought other ways to complete her existence.

Elliot reached blindly for the stack of papers as he held her. Knowing full well she wasn't ready yet to share the wealth of knowledge she'd just been given, he began reading. He tightened his grip on the page when he got to the real shocker, but read on. She would need him to read it all, to be able to relay the content she could not get through. She looked at him again, this time with a mask of confusion.

"I don't…understand." She sat there, barely feeling his arm tighten its hold on her slumped shoulder.

"It's a lot to take in." He folded up the letter and set it on the table before rifling through the final document.

She nodded and reached for the letter again. With renewed strength, she read it. This time, she made it all the way through. She shook her head, unable to grasp what the string of words really meant. The two words that she was able to comprehend stood out as if they had been printed in bold. "Witness Protection."

"Looks like it." He wasn't sure if it was a question or a comment. He could see her mind working as she struggled to clear the fog in her brain. "I'll make us some coffee."

As he walked to the kitchen, his mind filled instantly with thought after thought. Words popped into his thoughts as he filled the reservoir and shut the lid. The scent of the fresh coffee grounds relaxed him and he was able to think clearly. He heard the soft padding of her feet on the carpet as she came to join him. He raised his eyebrows and smiled compassionately. She finally had her answers.

"She doesn't look like a Julie." Olivia ran a hand through her hair and stared down at her mother's birth name. "Hmm…"

"Dickie was almost Jimmy. He bugs me every year about going to the courthouse to change it." He pulled out the chair next to hers and took her hand in his. "What are you thinking?"

"I don't know. I guess I had this idea in my head that I was just never going to know, you know? That she harbored this…this hatred for me for thirty some years. I was thinking that…that finally in her death she didn't have to lie anymore. But now, it's like…I want to go back and tell her that it's okay. Why couldn't she tell me?" She felt a warm hand on the back of her neck as he began to knead the tense muscles underneath his fingertips.

"Maybe she was protecting you. Trying to keep you safe. The lowlife that raped your mother was the son of a prominent Mob boss, Liv. Even though the threat went away and she was allowed to go back to her old life before you were born, for those six months she was probably scared to death. She was probably terrified that something would happen if anyone knew about you. I didn't know your mother very well, but you're a parent, Liv. You make choices, things you agonize over because you want to watch out for your kids. I saw your face when Zane wanted to know why he only had one set of grandparents. You remember what you told him?" He could still hear the gasp. The look of sheer panic as she searched his eyes for a clue as to what she should say.

"Yeah." She'd picked her son up and placed him on her lap as she searched for the right words to tell a little boy that her mommy wasn't around anymore, but that she was and that she always would be. "I was so scared. He's a smart kid. I didn't know if he bought it."

"He didn't. He came to me later on that day and I told him that it was like when his fish died. That she was so special to you that it was hard for you to talk about her. We both chose to tell him in our own way. He was barely Zackary's age. He couldn't have handled that." He heard the coffee pot shut off and stood. "Maybe your mother was looking out for you."

"I wonder how many times she tried to tell me." She tried to think of all the moments her mother would come into her room while Olivia was supposed to be sleeping. She would sit on the bed and stare at her. Just once, Olivia, thought, she could have acknowledged her presence. Given her the opportunity to express what had been weighing so heavily on her soul.

"Bill knew. Do you think she'd tell a guy she dated for a couple weeks something like that for no reason?" He set the steaming cup in front of her and remained standing.

"She asked him to tell me but it never lasted long enough. She must have really trusted him." Olivia had never known her mother to give any personal details, big or small.

"They did work together. Bill knew her pretty well. They were friends before they started seeing each other. Maybe she expected something to come out of it but she got scared and ended it." He took a sip of the scalding liquid and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "You have your answers, honey. Does it really matter?"

She stared down at her reflection. She tapped the glass and watched it disappear. He was right. He was making the choice for her. That she was done looking. That her mother had loved her enough to keep the secret. Even as an adult, Olivia had been sheltered from that knowledge. It was the innate fear that every parent has that there will come a day when the security would not be enough. In life and death, Julie Preston had loved her daughter just enough to save her. Olivia could accept that, because it meant that she did care for her after all. And that little piece of information did grant her peace. The pain and ache she would still carry from childhood, but as an adult, she felt as if she was beginning to heal. "No. I guess it doesn't matter."


	6. Chapter 6

Elliot let his mind wander as he sorted through the packages, looking for the right size. He chuckled as he spotted the Spiderman logo, thinking that Zane would find it to be amusing if they both had the same pair. It was his son's first play date in a while, and he couldn't be happier. He heard the scream first and startled, freezing in one spot. He dropped the handful of items he had been carrying around the store and went running in the direction of the sound. Instinctively, his hand went to his belt where his gun was usually kept. He skidded to a halt, panting, as he took in the sight before him.

"Shh…it's okay." Olivia looked over her son's shaking form and saw Elliot's concerned expression. His eyes were questioning, and she nodded slightly as he approached.

"Hey, buddy." Elliot crouched down next to his youngest son and placed a hand on the bright blue Scooby Doo shirt that he'd washed for the second time in three days.

"I swear I had my hand on him the whole time. The second I couldn't feel him I turned back around." Olivia let out a breath she'd been holding in the few moments she'd spent searching for the little boy. After hiding under a rack of Clearance items, he'd gotten scared and couldn't find his way back out. She ran her hands through Zackary's hair. "I bet that scared you, didn't it?"

"Yeah." Zack pulled away from his mom and wiped his eyes. He eyed Elliot, expecting to be reprimanded.

"Buddy, you can't wander off like that. It's not safe. You don't know your way around the store and you could get lost." Elliot saw the fear in Olivia's eyes and knew the unsettled look came from the knowledge that a matter of seconds was all it could have taken. They knew it all too well.

"You okay now?" Olivia stood up straight and pulled Zack to rest against her leg. He was clutching the fabric of her pants. Seeing him nod, she ushered him along the path throughout the store. A few passers by watched them leave, having seen the frantic woman trying to find her young son.

"Look at 'em. One person helped me. One, out of all these…people." Olivia felt his arm snake around her neck and rest on her shoulder in a comforting fashion.

"It's over now." He ruffled his son's short hair and smiled, reassuringly. "It's not your fault, baby."

"I know. I just…it scared me. I don't know what was worse; not knowing where he was at or hearing him scream once I found him." She kept her tone low and quiet, not wanting to frighten the young Stabler that had refused to leave her side again.

"I bet. I heard him from the Men's Department." Elliot suddenly remembered the packs of socks and undershirts he'd left on the floor by the boxers.

"Do you want to go back?" Olivia saw his empty hands and the furrow in his brow.

"No. I'll get them later in the week. Unless you want to. You didn't get a chance to pick out anything." He eyed her, knowing she'd rather be at home cuddling on the couch.

"No. I just want to go home. I don't feel like shopping anymore." Olivia slid her sunglasses down over her eyes and picked Zack up. The little boy rested his head on her shoulder. "Tired, honey?" She felt him nod and kissed the top of his head.

"You want me to take him?" He watched her shift the little boy's weight but still keep her steady hold.

"No, I'm okay. Before long he'll be too old for me to do this." She smiled at his thoughtfulness.

"How are you doing?" Elliot squeezed her shoulder gently. The last few weeks had been a battle for her just to get out of bed. Elliot had been helping as much as he could, but he still felt helpless to ease her pain. Over time, she'd come around and was just starting to function as the Olivia that she'd been before she learned of Bill's passing. "You okay?"

"I think I am. Thank you for being so patient with me." Her eyes glistened with unshed tears as she recalled the many breakfasts in bed he'd bring her when she just didn't feel up to it. How he'd sat on the mattress and comforted her, easing her guilt at not being there fully for her children. He'd constantly reassure her, promising that the boys were doing okay. "You're a good father."

"And you're an even better mother. Us guys, we did fine." He remembered the game of indoor football he'd set up in the living room and how the lamp had been an unfortunate casualty, sending Olivia racing from the bedroom to see if everything was okay. "You didn't like that one anyway. Zack was doing you a favor."

"Hey!" Zackary looked up glared at his father. "You bwoke it."

"Nice, El. Blame it on your son. That's low, even for you." She set Zackary on the ground and switched places so that he was in the middle. She grinned at Elliot and mouthed to him, asking if he was ready. At his nod, she gripped the little hand tightly and swung her arm forward, hurling the little boy into the air into a fit of infectious laughter. Giggling, she repeated the motion until her tired muscles would no longer cooperate.

ooooooo

The precinct was noisy. It was one thing Olivia didn't miss about her old unit. A serial rapist had hit the city, and each desk had a distraught young woman bawling her eyes out as the detectives listened intently to their stories. She saw one unhappy man being led from an interrogation room. As he walked by, he leered at her, licking his lips. She rolled her eyes and smiled when she spotted her husband. He was none too happy about what he'd just witnessed. Shaking her head, she made her way over.

"Did he say something to you?" Elliot balled up his hand into a fist around the ink pen he was holding.

"Okay, you need to relax." She sat on the corner of his desk and looked around. "I should have called first. I was going to set up a lunch date with this really hot detective. Funny, I can't find him anywhere."

"Nice, Liv." He wanted to take her into his arms and hold onto her tightly but remained considerate of the traumatized women in his presence. "Love you."

"I love you more." Olivia could feel his tension radiating from his body from the short distance between them. She admired the respect he had for the victims. "You're swamped, aren't you?"

"Yeah. I just finished up my second one before you came. The publicity on this thing helped. We were at a standstill." He crossed his arms over his chest and inspected his sleeves.

"I guess I'll have to take a rain check, then. I'll tell the boys you're going to be late." She came around to his side and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "Call when you're on your way."

"Don't wait up." He had noticed she'd been restless and uneasy, often tossing and turning in her sleep.

"Call before you leave?" She pulled her keys out of her pocket and tried not to show her disappointment at not being able to have lunch with him.

"I will. We'll do lunch tomorrow, okay? Why don't you go with Casey? I saw her wandering around earlier." He walked her to the hallway and kissed her fully on the lips, much to the amusement of Munch.

"Well, if it isn't the happy couple. Hey, Liv." John met her smile as he passed, clearly in a hurry to be on with the next interview.

"I love that shirt." Olivia smoothed the rumpled fabric near his belt loop.

"You should. You're the one that picked it out." He intercepted her hands.

"I'll let you get back to work. Bye, honey." She closed her eyes as he pulled her forward. Slowly, their lips met. She opened her eyes once again and sighed.

"Bye, baby." Elliot watched her go with a sense of guilt.

Olivia spotted Casey and jogged up to meet with her friend. Slowly, the ADA turned around, offering a smile. "Hey, Liv. Lunch with Elliot?"

"We're going to go another time. What are you doing in the next hour?" She could see the look of contemplation on Casey's face. "You're busy. That's fine. I just thought I'd ask."

"We'll go another time. It's just that I was supposed to have my case notes prepared and the prosecutor's some hotshot slime ball. I'm going to need all the ammo I can get. I'm sorry." She truly felt for Olivia. Elliot had been home with his family more but there were still times Olivia would go without seeing him for days. She could tell how much she needed the company.

"I know. I understand. I'll catch you another time." She ran a hand through her hair and groaned. She was supposed to get it cut weeks ago but never found the time.

"Hang in there, okay? I'll call you tonight." Casey squeezed Olivia's arm before leaving Olivia behind. With a quick wave of her shoulder, she was out the door. "We'll go out this weekend."

ooooooooo

"Can you believe this weather?" Olivia held Zackary's hand and crossed the street. She kept her sights on Zane, who stayed ahead.

"It's gorgeous! I love the spring." Casey huffed when the light changed right before they could cross again. "I hate one ways."

"You have to be somewhere?" Olivia bent down to fix Zack's shoe and double-knotted the bow to keep it in place.

"I don't know why I'm complaining. I'm used to running around, I guess. Where to first?" Casey placed her hand on Zane's shoulder, effectively holding him back from the line of cars that were passing by. "Not yet, 'kay?"

"Honey, listen to Casey and get back from the street. You're making me nervous." She eyed the surrounding buildings, looking for a place to stop and eat.

"Do the boys like peanut butter? They've got a great little place on Sullivan." Casey nudged Zane to go ahead and glanced behind her, where Olivia was coaxing Zackary along. "You like fluffer nutters Zack?"

"Gwoss." The little boy scrunched up his nose. "What's dat?"

"Are you serious? You've never introduced them to the wonders of marshmallow cream and peanut butter? Tragic." Casey gasped and playfully pulled Zane to her side. "This calls for an intervention. What else haven't you told them about? One night over at Aunt Casey's house and we'll have them turned around in no time. How do s'mores sound?"

"Yeah!" Zane stared up at his mother with pleading eyes. "Can we?"

"I don't see why not. You sure you want to take on two little boys after you've loaded them up with sugar?" She remembered the last time Casey offered to take them for the night. It wasn't a pretty sight when they came over the next morning to pick them up. Casey had gotten little to no sleep, thanks to the hyperactive Stablers.

"Don't you worry. Concern yourself with making plans with that husband of yours. Liv, you really need to get out. It's been weeks since you've had a date night." She turned serious when she saw the dark circles under Olivia's eyes.

"I know. Elliot called last night. They had some solid leads. Hopefully something will pan out. He hasn't bee home all week." She tried to keep the conversation as vague as possible. Zane had a way of picking up on things even when she didn't voice them, and she didn't want him to worry.

"Dad always works." Zane kicked a rock and cringed when it landed just short of an elderly woman walking her dog. The miniature poodle jumped and growled, its owner oblivious to anything going on.

"Your dad's job is important, son. Your father and I work really hard at what we do. That doesn't mean he don't love you boys, though. It's just really busy right now for him. Remember what he talked to you about?" Olivia, too felt the loneliness, but she'd tried to keep the boys happy and entertained. They needed structure, though, and rarely liked change. Elliot's hectic schedule was taking its toll on them all. So, when he'd brought up the idea of them all going on a vacation, it hadn't come a moment too soon.

"I know. Sorry, mom." Zane felt bad for bringing it up. The brave face she'd been putting on didn't fool him. He'd noticed how quiet she'd been, especially at night. "You need a vacation."

"I do, huh? You know what?" Seeing her son shrug, she added, "I think I do, too."

ooooooooooo

Olivia ran the applicator of the lip gloss over her lips and stood back from the mirror. She'd gotten back into shape after Zackary but her stomach had never fully recovered. She lost count of the number of outfits she'd tried on. She reached around and unzipped the dress.

"Leave it." Elliot moved into room. He'd been watching her. It bothered him that she didn't like the way she looked. To him, she was gorgeous. She always claimed she'd never be able to go back to how she was before she had the boys, but she never looked better. Her arms and legs were toned and she'd lost several inches off her waist. It worried him, at times. He had no idea she had anything to lose in the first pace. He slowly brought the zipper back up.

"I look fat. I don't like this one." She ran her hand over her stomach and frowned. "When did you get home?"

"About two dresses ago." He chose to avoid any topics regarding her weight. Nothing he could tell her would make her feel any better about herself. She needed to hear it from someone who didn't have a stake in their marriage. "Let me get cleaned up and we can leave. Reservations are at seven-thirty."

"I wish you'd tell me." She sat on the bed and bent over to adjust the straps on her heels.

"It's a surprise. Always a detective." Elliot shook his head and tossed the shirt into the hamper. "Black or blue?"

"Black. How was your day?" She enjoyed watching him get ready. He was never the kind to take hours in the bathroom, but he did like to look nice.

"It was good. No work tonight, though, okay?" Elliot flipped his collar up to work on the tie. It'd been a while since he'd worn one. He wanted the night to be special for her. He wanted her to be treated like a princess.

"I like that." Olivia grabbed the lint roller from the night stand. "I like you in those pants, too."

"Yeah? Why?" Elliot saw the sparkle in her eyes and grinned. He always though he was of average looks.

"I think you know why." She got up from the bed and leaned against the doorway. She eyed his ass until he saw what she was staring at.

"Don't let my wife see you doing that. She's a cop, you know." Elliot grabbed the roller and tossed it onto the bed.

"I think I could take her." She grabbed his tie and pulled him into a kiss.

"We're never going to make it to dinner." He smiled against her lips. "Ready?"

"I've been ready." Olivia grabbed her handbag and gave herself a once over in the mirror.

"Come on. No more of that." He grabbed her hand and led her out of the room.

"Thank you for this." Olivia grabbed her sweater from the closet and pulled her arms through as he held it up.

"You don't need to thank me. I know I've been working a lot of hours lately. It's not fair to." Elliot adjusted sweater around her collar. Grabbing his keys from the counter, he held the door open for her. "After you."

"Such a gentleman. Don't worry, honey, I won't tell the guys." She smiled over her shoulder and waited for him to close and lock the door.

"The guys consist of Fin, Munch, and the Captain and they're all in the force. They'd kick my ass if I didn't do things like that." He looked over at her in the seat and noticed a look of content on her face. Her features were relaxed.

"They would. Casey, too." She pulled down the visor and checked her makeup. "I bet the boys are having a good time."

"They probably won't want to come home. Did she forget about last time?" Elliot chuckled at the memory. They'd arrived at nine in the morning to find her nursing her third cup of coffee and a bottle of Tylenol. She'd said that the two Stabler boys keeping her up all night were worse than any hangover she'd ever had.

"I think it's nice of her. We'll have to get her something to thank her." Olivia watched the street signs, trying to figure out where they were going.

"Hey, no cheating." He laced the fingers of his right hand with her left.

"I'm not. I'm…enjoying the scenery." She bit her lip, trying to hide her smile.

"The scenery. Which graffiti do you like the best?" Elliot leaned over in his seat, pretending to study the side of the building.

"I like it all. It's very…colorful." Olivia chuckled when he rolled his eyes. "Just watch the road before someone honks at you for sitting at a green light."

"What's colorful? The language or the ten different cans of paint they used on that one? Look. It's Picasso, himself." Elliot frowned as a kid no older than twelve looked in his direction.

"Both. They're getting younger and younger." She couldn't help but think about all the kids that must have been on the street that very moment in time. Ever since she'd started working with the youth prevention programs at the schools, her maternal instinct had kicked in full force. She shook her head and turned back to Elliot, who shared a knowing look.

"One at a time, Liv." He steered the car through the intersection and squeezed her hand. He was so thankful he didn't have to worry about his own children being out on the streets, and he prayed their love and devotion would be enough to ensure that they would always be safe. "One kid at a time."


	7. Chapter 7

Elliot watched her sleep, amused at the way her hair would rise with each exhale, only to fall back onto her face. He smiled as he lay propped up on one elbow. Within a matter of moments, he knew he would need to wake her to pick up the boys. He shifted positions and grunted as his sore muscles reminded him of the previous night's activities.

"You okay?" Even in her sleep, Olivia was in-tune to her family's needs. She cracked open one eye, testing the waters to see if it was safe to open the other. She blinked away the cloudiness obscuring her vision. "What's wrong?"

"I'm fine, Liv. Just not as young as I used to be." He leaned over and kissed her passionately. God those lips. He couldn't get enough.

"If we don't get out of this bed right now we're going to be even more sore tomorrow than we already are right now. You explain to my boss why I'm not at work. Come on, El. Scoot." She patted his chest, feeling his toned muscles flex under her fingers.

"It's days like these that I'm glad there's a later mass." He cocked his head to the side in feigned contemplation. With a dramatic sigh, he stood up and pulled her from the bed. He slipped his boxers on and winced as he stood back up. "Fine. Since you asked so nicely."

"Do you want the shower first?" Olivia bent down and grabbed his dress shirt from the floor before wrapping it around her body.

"You first. I'm going to go make breakfast." Seeing her raised eyebrows, he chuckled. "Just go. I'll surprise you."

"Oh, you'll surprise me alright; when the smoke alarm goes off right in the middle of shampooing my hair."

"Alright, ye of little faith. Just take your shower. Do you want to see the boys or not?"

"I can't believe you're using the boys against me." She bit her lip and grinned mischievously. Ever so slowly, she shrugged the shirt off and let it fall to the floor, effectively rendering him speechless. She watched his eyes bug out in response. Mission accomplished. "I would save you some hot water, except I think you could use a cold shower." With that, she closed the door behind her and locked the door. She opened the door just a crack, long enough to peek her head out and add, "Enjoy your uh…little problem there."

o o o

"So, how was it?" Casey leaned over the table. She didn't want to miss a thing. "Well?"

"It was…great. More than great. Thank you so much for doing that, Casey." Olivia knew Casey wouldn't be satisfied, but she was utterly speechless.

"That's it? I gave you more details when I got my first vib…" She was quickly cut off by Olivia's foot crashing into her shin from below the table.

"Oh, the chicken wrap is mine. Thanks." Olivia grinned sweetly and squirted a generous amount of ketchup in the corner of her basket of fries. "Want some?"

"Fine, but don't think you're getting away with this. No details? Not even one?" Casey pulled off the bun and removed the tomato before setting it back onto the burger. Seeing Olivia shake her head, she sighed. "Okay, on a scale of one to ten…"

"Off the charts, sweetheart." Olivia smirked and swirled a fry around in the ketchup before popping it into her mouth.

"You are such a bitch." Casey glared at her friend, clearly disgusted at her inability to land a date in what seemed like months.

"I know." Olivia wiped her mouth and stared across the table. "I don't know why you're still on the market, Case. You're attractive, intelligent. If I were a guy, I'd date you."

"Flattering, Liv, really. Somehow, that doesn't make me feel better. Excuse me if I'm not consoled by that. I just have lousy taste in men. Remember that guy Frank? The one with the gap in his teeth?"

"Mr. 'Hold my pencil'? What was wrong with him?" Olivia stifled a laugh and resumed eating her fries.

"Other than the fact that every time I tried to have a serious conversation with him he kept asking me if he had something in his teeth? Nothing at all! As if anything could get caught in the Grand Canyon he had going there."

"Oh, you are too cruel. We need to go out sometime. There are plenty of nice guys out there. Remember that wine tasting event I told you about? Let's go. There's got to be plenty of nice, sophisticated men out there." Olivia heard the tell-tale clatter of a Hot Wheel hitting the tiled floor of the restaurant and smiled as a little hand came into view to pick it up. "Watch your head, sweetie."

"You are such a mom. Why can't I have one of those?" Casey waved as the toddler backed out from under the adjacent table.

"A Hot Wheel? We'll get you one when we're done."

"Ha ha. Very funny, Liv. I'm not getting any younger, you know. I'm starting to think I'll never have kids."

"Of course you will. You know, it's not like you need a man for that." Olivia dodged the salt-covered napkin that made its way onto the table and laughed. "I stand corrected."

"Damn right you do. Why does everyone say that? Not necessarily? What kind of answer is that? I'm sorry, was there another way I'm not aware of?" Casey saw Olivia's amused expression and scowled.

"Have you ever thought about adopting? You live in a nice area. You're well off, financially. There are a lot of children that need good homes, Case."

"I have, actually. I don't know where I would even start. There's so much red tape. I jump through enough hoops at work."

"Don't you think it'd be worth it, though? I'm just saying, if you've at least considered it, then what's the harm in looking into it? You know Elliot and I will help you in any way that we can." Olivia pushed the plate of food to the center of the table. "I can't believe I ordered all that. I should take that home."

"You weren't kidding about Zack not being picky. I had to cut him off when he asked for a 3rd helping of taco salad. Is there anything the child won't eat?" Casey eyed Olivia's half eaten wrap and fries and sighed. She really felt like a pig.

"Not really. Zane's the picky one. How'd he do at your house?"

"He did fine. I made him a pizza and he was perfectly happy. He ate the whole thing. I thought you said his meds affected his appetite."

Olivia signaled for the waitress to bring the bill and turned her attention back to Casey. "He's on a new one now. His others just weren't working out. They were making it hard for him to sleep and he wasn't really that much better when he was on them. He's doing a lot better now. He gained a few pounds, so that's a start."

"Poor kid. Is he doing better in school?" Casey remembered the first time Olivia had called her in tears over Zane's failing grades.

"Yeah. We meet with his teacher every month to see how he's doing. He just wants to be treated the same as everyone. He doesn't want special assignments. I'm so glad things are better this year. I don't know if I can watch him go through that again. It was horrible, Casey. The teacher…she'd stick him out in the hall so he could 'concentrate' and he'd just get distracted. How is a child with ADD supposed to focus?" Olivia blinked away an onslaught of tears that threatened to spill at any moment.

"You and Elliot are great with him. Maybe you can't see it, but I can. He's happier now. He's got friends. He'll be okay, Liv." Casey patted Olivia's hand and smiled.

"I know. It just hits me sometimes, you know? How much he's been through and how I wish I could take his place." Olivia cleared her throat, hoping the choked up feeling would pass. She took several deep breaths.

"I know. Enough of that. Let's go. There's a double fudge brownie calling my name." Casey grabbed the ticket and tossed a few ten's on the table as Olivia boxed up her food. "My treat. Get your doggy bag, you lightweight."

"I can't believe you're still hungry."

"Yeah, well, I'm a growing girl." Casey pulled Olivia out of the booth.

"Uh huh. Sure you don't want a Hot Wheel, kiddo?"

o o o

"What's with the brochure?" Elliot casually pointed to the pamphlet on the counter. He'd noticed it the previous day and had been waiting for her to bring it up.

"Oh, I meant to give it to Casey but I was running late and didn't want to go back and get it." Olivia checked her watch and mentally calculated what time the chicken would be done. "You don't think I'd keep something like that from you, do you?"

"No. It just surprised me is all. We'd never discussed adopting. You'd tell me if there was something wrong with you, wouldn't you?"

"You know I would, El. There's nothing wrong with me, I promise. Casey was a little bummed when we went for lunch the other day. We were talking and I thought I'd get some information." She saw Elliot's questioning look. He still wasn't buying it.

"You're sure…because if you want another kid, we can try for another one." Elliot tried to tell the irrational portion of his brain to knock if off, but it just wasn't listening.

"Honey, I'm fine with the two we have. I'm perfectly satisfied with our family. Where's this coming from?"

"I don't know. I just worry that if we have another one I won't be able to love them all. I know that sounds crazy. I don't want the boys to think I don't care about them."

"We don't have to have another one. Two is enough. And as far as you loving our children goes, it would be impossible for you not to. I know you, and I've seen you with all the kids. No one is missing out on dad time."

"You're right. I'm sorry I interrogated you." He slipped his arms around her and rested his chin on her shoulder. "That smells good."

"You weren't interrogating me. You were just concerned. I don't hide things from you. I wouldn't keep something like that from you." She turned her head to the side and nuzzled the side of her face against the top of his head. "I'm glad you got home on time today."

"I am, too. So, Casey wants a kid. That's the first I've ever heard of that." He lifted his head and gently pushed her to the side as he put on the oven mitts.

"Well, I think she's starting to feel like something is missing. You've seen her with the boys. I think she'd make a great mother."

"Did you tell her we'd help her out? Give her a reference or something?" Elliot set the pan onto the burner and closed the oven door. "I don't know much about that kind of thing."

"I don't either, other than what little I read. I told her we'd help her out." She tossed the mitts into the drawer and nudged it with her hip until it closed. "Zack's been quiet all evening. Can you go see what he's up to and tell the boys dinner's ready?"

"Sure. Mm…Looks good, Liv." Elliot kissed the side of her neck.

"Why do I get the feeling you're not talking about the dinner?" She poked him playfully in the ribs and chuckled.

"Well, that would be because I'm not. You know, we could have a date night every week. Ya' know, give mama Casey some practice." He intercepted her hand and brought it up to the side of his face. He was always amazed at how soft her hands were.

"Sounds like a plan." She cupped the back of his head and pulled him in for a kiss. "Can't wait for a repeat performance."

"You're killin' me, Liv." Elliot groaned and left the kitchen before he started something he couldn't finish. It was going to be a long rest of the week.


	8. Chapter 8

"How long do we have?" Elliot poked his head out of the bedroom and listened for the shower.

"Fifteen minutes, tops." Olivia pulled Elliot's shirt free of his pants as he began kicking off his shoes. She smiled against his lips when he nearly toppled over. "Did you do your stretches?"

"Smart ass. Lose the shirt." He shrugged out of the material and began working on his pants.

"You look like a Hanes commercial." Olivia chuckled, taking a moment to admire his physique. There wasn't time to lose the undershirt or socks. It could mean the difference between…

"Hey, we're home ear…" Casey peered through the slightly ajar door, her eyes growing wide. She pulled Zack close to her body and pressed his little face gently into the wall. "Oh, it looks like your mom and dad are just getting _dressed_. Why don't you go play, buddy." She felt her face grow a deep shade of red as he scampered down the hallway. 'Shame on you', she mouthed, and pointed in the direction of the bathroom. She grinned and closed the door, leaving her two friends to recover from the shock.

"Oh my God." Olivia groaned, leaning her head into Elliot's shoulder. "This is not happening. She's going to hold this over our heads; you know that, right?"

"Yeah, I know." Elliot sighed and placed a kiss on her forehead as he re-fastened her jeans. "Damn circus. It seems so long when you're there in person."

She bent down and picked up his pants and shirt and handed him the wadded up ball of clothing. "Should have told her to take him for some ice cream afterwards. The one time she doesn't spoil his appetite."

"Aww…and here I was all prepared for _my_ act." She smiled when he shuddered. "And he's done with his shower. Wouldn't have made it in time, anyway." She adjusted her top and pulled the door open.

"Sorry, Liv." Casey saw Olivia's disappointment turn instantly the moment she saw Zackary. She couldn't wait to get one of her own.

"It's okay. Just be forewarned. You'll have little time for those kinds of activities." Olivia kissed the top of Zack's head. "Did you have a good time with Aunt Casey?"

"Yeah." Zack nodded, his attention fixed on the book he'd gotten as a souvenir.

"So, what's the status? When do you find out?" Olivia heard the bathroom door open and glanced down the hall. She made a motion to get up and saw Elliot hold up a hand as he stood in the hallway.

"How do you do that?" Casey watched Elliot grab a towel from the closet and place it into Zane's waiting hand. "Do you two even talk?"

"Oh, Zane always does that." Olivia stood when Elliot returned to the living room. Instinctively, she lowered herself back down, knowing that he was already in place. "Did he remember his clothes?"

"Mm…hmm." Elliot wrapped his arms around his wife and watched Zackary. His eyes would dart back and forth between the pictures of the clowns. Occasionally, they'd wander down to the scribbled name that had been signed.

"So, when do you find out?" Olivia squeezed the hand that had made its way over into hers.

"Um…the twentieth. No, the 19th. Yeah. I was hoping you could come down with me. I'm a little nervous to find out." Casey fidgeted, trying to find a comfortable position. "What the…did you do that purpose?" She pulled out a bright yellow dump truck from under the cushion on the loveseat.

"That looks familiar." Elliot was relieved. He'd listened to his son's moans and groans about not being able to buy a new one. He'd told him over and over that he simply could not just replace everything the little boy could not seem to find.

"Ow. I sat on the shovel thing." Casey glared playfully.

"Well, be prepared. Hot Wheels have a way of landing on the floor in the direct path to the bathroom in the middle of the night." Olivia rubbed her foot with her free hand where she'd just recently bruised her heel on the wing of some kind of fighter jet.

"You're off that day, aren't you? Isn't that the day Zane has his school fair?" Elliot saw Zack's eyes light up. He always loved going with his family. It was the one year he'd have to miss out. Fin had apologized profusely for taking off on the same day.

"Yeah. If you don't mind the boys coming. I'll bring some things for them to do. You know I don't mind being there for moral support. You'll do fine, though. I have a good feeling about it."

"I hope so. You should see this little girl, Liv. She's a little older than Zack. I know so much about her. I just don't want to get my hopes up." Casey reached into her purse and pulled out the packet of information.

"Oh, she's a sweetheart." Olivia held the picture up so Elliot could see. "What's her name?"

"Shannon Riley. She showed up on the steps of that Fire Department down on Liberty Street." Casey flipped the photo over and handed it back. "She's been bouncing around the system for years."

"Poor thing. You're going to spoil her rotten." Olivia chuckled as Casey nodded.

"Alright, you two lovebirds. I'm going to head." Casey rolled her eyes and left the room. She hoped that someday she'd find her other half.

Xxx

"Hey." Elliot set the last sack on the counter and smiled as he dug through it to put the groceries away. "New shampoo?"

"No, I just decided to actually use conditioner this time." Olivia swept a few wet strands of hair out of her face and tucked them behind her ear. "Before I forget, Casey wants to have dinner sometime this week. I think she has some good news."

"Already? I thought that kind of thing takes longer." He tried to do a mental timeline in his head. It seemed like only yesterday that he'd seen the information sitting on the counter.

"Well, she had some connections, I think, to help move the process along. With her income she wouldn't have a problem. My schedule is more flexible now and I told her I'd be her backup if she ever had to work late. She really wants this, El."

"I know. It's a new side of her. The boys really like her." Elliot nudged the cabinet door with his foot, trying to get it to close before Olivia rolled her eyes and came to his rescue. "I would have gotten it."

"Uh huh. You got off early today. I thought we were going shopping together." She adjusted an overturned can of peas and shoved the boxes in front to the back as Elliot watched on.

"We wrapped up earlier than I expected. I can handle the store by myself. I may have gotten a few extra things. They were on sale." He bit his lip, trying to hide the smile that was creeping up.

"Four boxes of brownies? Aren't you taking this 'on sale' thing a little far?" She folded up the receipt and stuck it in her checkbook. "You're making them and you're cleaning the pan when the last one sits there because you don't want to wash it."

"I do not do that." Elliot stuck the plastic bags in the broom closet and turned to face her again. He laughed at her expression and peered down the hall.

"The boys are out back." Olivia pulled out a bottle of water from the refrigerator and took a long swig.

"Thirsty?" Elliot handed her a paper towel and grinned as a small rivulet of water cascaded down her chin and onto her top.

"Damn. No, my throat is scratchy. I think I picked up a cold from someone." She took another drink, letting the cold liquid slide down.

"Do you want me to run down to the pharmacy?" He still had visions of her lying on the ground with a gun in her face. He couldn't help the shudder that he felt each time he passed by. It had been an unspoken rule that they avoid the store at all costs.

"No. No, I'll be fine. I'll just go to bed early. I think I have something left over from when Zack was sick. I'll take it a little later on." She felt the goose bumps rise on her chilled arms and sighed. "I should have known I was getting sick when I felt so run down earlier."

"You look tired. Go lay down. I'll make dinner and check on the boys. Do you want some soup?" He placed a kiss on her forehead and let his lips linger on her soft skin. It still amazed him at how she had barely aged since they'd gotten married.

"I'm not really hungry. Thanks, though." She gave his bicep a gentle squeeze before padding into the living room.

Xxx

The first thing Olivia felt was the gentle shaking on her arm. She cracked open one eye and swallowed.

"I almost woke you up to take something sooner. Here." Elliot saw her grimace and helped her sit up on the couch. He deposited two small capsules into her hand. "Why don't you stay home tomorrow? You've got a lot of vacation on the books."

Olivia answered with a weak nod of her head and settled back against the couch cushions. "It's cold in here."

"Come on." Elliot pulled the blanket away from her shivering body and lifted her up in one swift motion.

"Gonna' hurt your back." Olivia mumbled into her shirt, too tired to protest something that normally would have had her arguing for days. She'd learned over time to let him be a husband and not just her partner. Gone were the days where she needed to be the macho cop she once thought she needed to portray. "I feel like shit."

"I know, honey." Elliot pulled the sheet over her and tucked the covers around her small frame before settling in behind her. He reached over and flipped on the alarm, praying that he would get up before it went off in the morning. He wanted her to be able to sleep as much as possible.

Xxx

Elliot stood in front of the mirror and glanced over at his son who was watching him intently as he ran the razor over his stubble. The youngest Stabler had tip toed into the room long before he usually got up.

"I'm bored." Zack sighed and jumped up from his seat on the lid of the toilet. His bare feet smacked the floor as he landed.

"You gotta' be quiet, son. Your mom's not feeling well. If you're bored go back to sleep. Still got an hour before you need to get ready." Elliot chuckled as Zack crossed his arms and glared. He'd picked up on his mannerisms years before, much to his amusement. "Are you hungry yet?"

"No. I just wanna' watch you." Zackary poked his head out of the bathroom door and squinted into the darkened room. He startled when the alarm started to go off and pressed his back firmly against the wall as his father cursed.

Elliot jogged over to the night stand and clicked the alarm off. He pulled his shirt over his head and wiped off the residual traces of shaving cream from his face. He uttered an apology as the mass of bedding began to move. Slowly, an arm snaked out from under the blanket. He reached out and grabbed it gently.

"'m gonna' call in. Hand me the phone?" Olivia kicked the covers off and sat up in bed.

"I already did. I forgot to turn off the alarm. I was going to let you sleep in."

"'Kay. Did I hear Zackary?" Olivia rubbed her heavy lids, trying to find her bearings.

"Hi, mom." Zack ran from the bathroom and into his mother's open arm. He climbed up onto the bed and pulled the blanket over his bare legs.

"What are you doing up so early? Were you keeping your dad company?"

"Yep. Just us guys." Elliot opened the bathroom door fully, letting the light filter into the room so that he could see. One by one, he rifled through his drawer trying to find the right shirt. He glanced over his shoulder and smiled. Olivia's head was resting against Zack's as they both allowed the pull of sleep to take over them. He debated whether or not to take his son to preschool. He had at least forty five minutes until he had to decide.

An hour and a half later, Elliot was driving to a scene, sans one little Stabler. He didn't have it in his heart to separate the two when they were sleeping so peacefully. He pulled up to the police tape and got out.

"Hey, El. Looks pretty messed up." Fin jerked his head in the direction of the house's open door and led the way.

Elliot walked into the house and was met with a white sheet covering a very bloody body. A patch of brown hair was visible over the top where the fabric was not long enough to cover the entire head. He took a deep breath and tried not to think about that poor woman being his wife. He'd have a phone call to make later.

"Twenty-eight year old victim. Must have happened sometime between yesterday afternoon and this morning. Guy really tore her up. No husband but she has a little girl. The babysitter dropped the kid off yesterday and when she got here this morning to pick her up she noticed the door was already open."

"Tell me her daughter didn't see this." Elliot glanced around the room, hoping to every higher power he could think of that there were no witnesses to this woman's last few living moments.

"We were just about to check the rest of the house. We just got here, ourselves." John walked into the entryway, notebook in hand. "How's Liv?"

"Just a cold, I think. Thanks for covering for me. I wanted to get Zane off to school. He doesn't like it when his schedule changes."

"Neither do I. It was slow right up until we got the call to come here." John took one last glance at the crumpled form on the floor and kept walking. Sometimes life really was cruel.

"What's the kid's name?" Elliot took a pair of gloves from his back pocket and stuffed his hands into them.

"Hayley. Neighbor says she's four years old." Fin wandered up the stairs and out of sight.

"Let's spread out. I'll take the downstairs. I think all the rooms are up there. She might be up there." Elliot turned back to the dining room and began opening the cupboard doors to the china cabinet. Finding nothing, he placed his hands on his hips in contemplation. It was then that he spotted a door, slightly ajar.

Elliot nudged the door open with his foot and clicked the light to reveal a staircase leading to an old wine cellar. There, behind a wooden barrel, were two eyes peering out at him. The sight almost made him weep and he slowly approached her. Clearing his throat, he spoke in the gentlest of tones.

"Hey there, sweetie. My name is Elliot and I'm a policeman. You know policemen are good, right? We're nice and we keep people safe." Seeing the little girl nod, he continued, trying to reassure her. "Okay, good. My friends are upstairs. They're working really hard to find you and I bet they'd be very happy to know that you're okay." He cursed himself for his choice of words. She was anything but fine.

He got down on one knee and held one arm out, letting her take the lead. After a brief hesitation, Hayley stepped out into the light.

Her pink Mary Jane shoes matched her corduroy overalls perfectly and there wasn't a speck of red on her all white top underneath.

Thank God. Elliot sighed and clutched the little girl to his chest. The child's heart was racing and he ran his large hand down her tiny back. The side of his head was pressed against her soft, wispy curls of hair as he spoke in whispers. Carefully, he picked her up and shifted her to his left arm while he pulled out his cell phone. He walked to the stairs to get a signal and dialed.

"Hey John, I've got her. Do me a favor and clear the house for a sec okay? Let me know when they're gone." Elliot closed his phone and waited what seemed like forever. All the while, he bounced the little girl on his hip. It reminded him of the times his boys got nightmares and just wanted to be held. The up and down motion had always proved to be soothing. Time after time, it lulled them to sleep again. Abruptly, his phone rang, jolting him from his thoughts.

"You get everyone out? Okay. I'll be right up." Elliot stuck his phone back into his pocket and carried his small bundle up the stairs. He closed the door behind him and held his gloved hand against the back of her head. "Close your eyes, sweetie. Just rest a little bit. I bet you're tired, huh?" He felt her face rub against his shoulder in return. "We're going to go outside now, Hayley. Keep your eyes closed."

Elliot walked by Fin and John. He nodded his thanks as he passed. They had lined themselves up in front of the mother's final resting place so that her daughter would not have to remember her that way.

Out in the open, an ambulance and a female paramedic waited for Elliot. He grabbed onto the side of the closed door and hopped in.

He laid the little girl onto the stretcher and watched her curl into a fetal position. He carefully adjusted her small legs, making sure that she wouldn't fall off. "Sleep well, Hayley." His voice cracked and he chocked back a sob. He felt a hand grip his arm and looked over his shoulder at the woman.

"We'll take good care of her, Detective." Jessica Stewart, all of twenty-five years old smiled and let her hand fall to her side.

"Do me a favor…Jessica." Elliot read her identification. "Here's my number. I'll write my cell number on there, too. Give me an update. Please."

"Will do, Detective." The young woman pocketed the card and waited for Elliot to jump down off the back of the ambulance. "I don't mean to be forward, but if you need anyone to talk to, I could give you a number. I never get used to what I see."

"I've got one of my own, thanks." He winked and watched her wave before he shut the door. He pulled out his phone once again and dialed the familiar number. She answered on the second ring.

He wasn't sure how long they talked. He'd given her a few details; enough to convey how much he so desperately needed to speak with her. He agonized with her over his fear that the little girl had seen anything. He let her reassure him that she'd most likely gone downstairs and had fallen asleep while waiting for the bad man to leave. For a few brief moments, his mind went to a place where little girls didn't have to grow up without the love of her parents. With one last goodbye and a promise to talk sooner, rather than later, he closed the phone and stared down the street.

He didn't even know he had been crying until he saw a handkerchief come into his line of vision. He took it silently and dabbed at his eyes. It was already wet.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Goodness, life got crazy all of the sudden. I am so sorry for the time between posts. If you're still reading, here's another. is down. So sad. It's a consolation of sorts that I'm going back home for a week. I haven't been in 9 months so I'm super excited. I love the Big Apple, but there's nothing like your old stomping grounds!

The mood in the house was tense when Elliot got home from work. All signs pointed to him turning right back around and leaving. He wouldn't though, because the days of avoidance were gone. He'd already turned his back on one family, and he'd vowed to never go down that road again.

He surveyed the scene, taking in the array of toys that littered the floor. In the middle of the chaos, his wife sat at the kitchen table, leaning over the hard surface with her head in her hands. Her fingertips were white from the pressure of rubbing small circles on her seemingly aching temples.

He grabbed the edge of the table for support and lowered himself down onto the floor into a crouching position. Ever so slowly, he placed a comforting hand on the back of her shoulder.

"Your sons are killing me, Elliot." Her voice was thick with emotion. The tears had stopped an hour ago. She'd tried to put on her best poker face when Casey had come over to pick the boys up. She knew her friend had seen right through to her frazzled nerves.

He knew the 'your' she was referring to. The boys had the occasional wild, insubordinate streak that came from being a Stabler. Those times were the moments when she let him take the reigns. Of course, they were 'hers' when they were stubborn and refused to ask for help with anything. He had visions of Zackary sitting on the floor for a solid hour trying to tie his shoes all by himself. He braced himself for the day. Thankfully, he had a little while.

He let his eyes wander to the wall on his left. The muted television could be heard from the other side. He knew that it was most likely serving no purpose other than to further drive up the electric bill. Before he could ask, she answered the question lingering in the confused expression on his face.

"I asked Casey to pick them up. I sent my own kids away, Elliot. What kind of a mother am I?" Mentally and physically exhausted, she was tapped out, and her guilty conscience had paved way to thought after thought of how poorly she was doing as a parent.

"The kind of mother who knew the boys were pushing her buttons. The kind who understood that she needed a break. Casey called me on the way home." He pushed her forward gently and pulled her shirt up, his hands catching on the back of her bra as he cleared an area for his hands to work.

"I thought she probably would." She dipped her head forward, giving him access to her tired muscles.

"She knew you wouldn't." He rolled up the fabric and tucked it under her breasts so that it would stay put as he worked to relieve his wife's stress. He chose his words carefully, as well as their delivery. Long before he'd gotten home, he knew she'd been beating herself up. "You're too stubborn for your own good."

"What would I say? 'Hi, honey. I'm failing our children and I need you to come save them'. I'd rather not." She felt the rough pads of his fingers turn soft as they worked their way up the plane of her back. The stopped to rest on her shoulders where they began to work their magic.

"I think you're the one that needed saving." He peered around her shoulder to read her face, to know if he was pressing too hard. "It's okay to ask for help, honey."

"I know. I just…I don't know. I can't think." She sighed and her eyes closed on their own accord.

"Then don't. Just relax." He willed his body to behave, to not react to the physical contact with his wife so that he could be there for her emotionally. To provide comfort after a long evening with two boys. "Tell me what happened."

"What didn't happen? Zane came stomping in from school because he lost his hat somewhere at school and didn't want to wait for me to pick Zackary up to go back and look for it. I finally got him to calm down and change into his play clothes. We spent forty-five minutes driving around. Zack was getting hungry. We went back home and after that it was downhill. I didn't make Zane do his homework. He couldn't concentrate after the first problem. He's got two pages of math."

"I'll work with him. When did they leave?" He felt like he'd been punched in the gut. His kids were getting older and they needed him more. They didn't have two other siblings to help his wife out or to keep each other occupied. Seeing Olivia so stressed out bothered him. It was time for damage control.

"Right after we got back. Zane was in a horrible mood and Zack was acting his age. They should be back soon to wind down before bed." She felt the tension slowly leave her body, relieved to have Elliot home to talk to.

"Want me to make you something for dinner?" He remembered all the times he'd have to force her to eat just so she wouldn't pass out. She, too, had changed and had taken better care of herself. They'd both mastered the art of stepping in to help each other out when they'd neglected their own needs.

"Just something light. Maybe some toast." She slipped her hand into his and felt the warmth spread throughout her body. "Casey had Shannon with her. She looked so happy, El."

"Who did? Casey or the little one?" He pulled her up and helped fix her shirt.

"Both. I think this is a really good thing for them. Did you know Casey was thinking of being a foster parent to the little girl you found in that basement last week?"

"No, but Casey was there when they brought her in to look at some pictures." He bit his lip thoughtfully. "Two kids, huh? Well, it's not like she hasn't had experience with our kids. The little girls are around the same age, though, I think."

Olivia nodded. "She wants to ease Shannon into meeting other kids her age. She's always been bounced around." Olivia's heart swelled at the thought of Casey and those two little girls. It would be a while before she heard if her friend could have Hayley as well, given her situation. She didn't have any surviving relatives, and everyone involved wanted to make sure she was placed in an environment that would help her emotional recovery.

"How long 'til the boys are home?" He unwrapped the loaf of bread and dropped the slices into the toaster.

"They should be back in time to unwind before bed. I'll get Zane into the shower and Zackary will crash before long."

"I am here, you know." He watched her plan the nighttime ritual in her head and how she would squint when making accommodations for an unexpected glitch in the schedule. It was obvious how much she did to keep everything running smoothly on the nights he had to work late. "I'll take care of Zane. You go hop in the shower and I'll make some eggs. You need to eat more than toast, honey. You'll be hungry afterward."

"Thank you." She smiled and pressed a soft kiss on his lips. She hoped he knew what she meant. He'd been her rock for so many years and she always wondered if she showed her gratitude for having such a good man in her life. He'd been a constant source of comfort when she needed one.

"You're welcome. Take your time, Liv." He watched her walk from the room and grinned. He never got tired of the sight.

The sound of Elliot scolding one of the kids could be heard the moment Olivia turned off the water. She wrung her hair out before toweling off. She ran a brush through her hair and dressed quickly. She heard giggling on the other side of the door and smiled. Carefully, she opened the door.

The little girl smiled up at her and bolted from the hallway and into Casey's outstretched arms.

"Mom!" Zackary jumped up and down as he greeted her, is little boy excitement infecting her instantly.

"Zack!" Olivia laughed as she watched him run off to the living room. "Where's Zane?"

"He's finishing up his homework. I got him started and he seemed to be alright from there."

"We girls, we kept them in line, didn't we, Shan?" Casey poked the little girl gently in her side, resulting in a fit of laughter. "We have to stick together."

"That's right, sister." Olivia held her hand out, her palm facing upward. Tentatively, the little girl smiled and slapped her hand down.

"That's my girl." Casey beamed, watching the shyness slowly ebb.

"Sit down, Liv." Elliot placed the plate in front of her and handed her a fork. He stood with his arms crossed over his chest, observing her until she took a bite.

"Yes, dad." Olivia rolled her eyes as she chewed, suddenly feeling hungrier than she'd felt before. "You're on vacation soon, aren't you? What are you two going to do?"

"Oh, I thought we'd hit the Build a Bear workshop and the American Girl doll place. I had no idea the thing even existed, Liv. You should come, it'll be fun." She saw a brief flash of something pass over Olivia's face and frowned.

"Sounds like it." Olivia smiled weakly, suddenly interested in a series of scratches on the surface of the table.

"Alright, kiddo. Let's get you home to bed. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?" Seeing Olivia nod, Casey ushered the little girl out of the door.

"You okay?" Elliot took a seat beside her on the chair and stole a piece of her toast. He nibbled, giving her time to work through her emotions.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" She worked her fork up and down over the eggs, chopping them into tiny pieces.

"You tell me. You like doing that girl stuff and Shannon wouldn't look at me the whole time they were here. She wouldn't even come close to me. She likes you, Olivia."

"She's a special little girl. I'm so happy for them." She ran her fork over the surface of the plate until a small pile of eggs worked its way over the metal prongs.

"But you want that for yourself. I see it in your eyes, Liv. It's not the same with little boys."

"No, it's not, and I feel horrible for even thinking that much less saying it out loud." She sighed, finally setting her fork down.

"I remember how happy I was when Dickie was born. I finally had the son I had always wanted. I could see us having the relationship that I'd always wished I'd had with my father. Now I have two more and I feel like I've been blessed so many times over. I look at you, though, and I want to give that to you. I want you to have that bond, too."

Olivia slid the plate away and slowly turned in his direction. "Do you mean that?"

"With all my heart. I know you love the boys and I know you're fine with the family we have now. Let's not get our hopes up, but let's say we try for a little bit and see what happens. I can't believe I'm saying this, but let's make us a little girl." He smiled, watching her try to hide an obvious smirk.

"You know what that means. That means more diapers, more spit up on your favorite suit jacket. That's not even the first year. Don't forget about the PMS and endless phone conversations with prospective, future son-in-laws."

"Trust me, I know. I have to worry about all of that right now with the the teenagers I have now. We haven't even uh, you know…" He let his voice trail off, trying to find a way to phrase the necessary, planned act of conceiving a child. "So…we'll need another date night."

"We will. How's Friday night looking for you?"

"I think I can free up some time." He wrapped her in a one-armed hug. "Now eat the rest of your dinner. Gotta' get that beautiful body of yours ready to conceive my baby."

"Real smooth, Elliot."

"I know." He left the room, feeling the tension suddenly leave.


End file.
